


Unnoticed

by Smoltinypumpkinchild



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Family Relationships - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Inner Monolgues, M/M, Me venting feelings, Multi, Mutual Pining, Second attempt, Trans Male Character, Trans Sonny, better this time, happy endings, i hope you enjoy bc i did, too much filler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-02-25 23:39:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13223646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smoltinypumpkinchild/pseuds/Smoltinypumpkinchild
Summary: A largely canon-compliant continuation from the blackout! Sonny and Pete's relationship developing, lots of talking and relationships, all that good stuff. hope you enjoy!Teen for language





	1. Usnavi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inthheightlive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthheightlive/gifts).



> doo do do DOO welcome back!!
> 
> it had been so long since updating that i went through and rewrote the whole damn thing- not much is changed though! just some stuff cut or added, im much happier with it now! its not actually finished yet (whoops) but i hope to do that soon. in the meantime i hope you enjoy this!!

Usnavi's mind wasn't in the right place that morning. After the blackout, after the news from Abuela and the promise of a one-way ticket back home- after dinner with the Rosarios and Benny and- and Vanessa and _everything,_ he hardly had the space to think about anything else. He talked with Claudia into the early hours of the morning, talked for hours until the fate of the bodega even entered his head. He was going to sell it, that was a given, but that thought was quickly brushed off in favour of the things that followed: visions of the shining sea around the island that had been the focus of his dreams for so, so long. He listened, enraptured, to the stories that Abuela had told him so many times before- the familiar words now lit anew with the prospect that he, Usnavi, would finally become a part of them.

Of course, he had heard the shouting. He had almost been caught up in the panic, but he had made sure that Abuela was safe and they'd been a distant rumble, not a threat to him. There'd been blackouts before, after all, but they hadn't lasted long, and looters had generally stuck to houses, jumping on the fact that most people had taken to the streets in the panic- that's why he'd gone to Abuela. But they'd been safe, and it was without any trepidation that he made his way to work.

As soon as he turned the corner next to the salon, his stomach dropped through the road.

The street was a wreck. Windows and door panes were smashed, the air hung with smoke- evidence of the fighting was everywhere. He gingerly made his way along the sidewalk, feeling his chest grow tight at the familiar shopfronts so utterly ruined, deserted, his mind racing to their owners, the livelihoods crumpled in the looters' wakes- and-

Oh no.

The bodega.

The grate was up, displaying the whole scene clearly. He found he could hardly look at it. Three windows cracked. One smashed open, littering the concrete outside with shattered glass. The door swung wide and almost off its hinges. Among the newspapers and plastic bags being nudged along the street, he could see a few bank notes- apparently dropped- and the ground was scorched in places and stained with something he didn't want to think about in others. Even from his distance, he could see that the inside was all but wiped clean- shelves torn down and bags ripped open; before anything, they'd taken food. That realisation made his stomach twist.

For a time, he simply stood there, mind grasping at straws of optimism and nails digging into his palms, just breathing. There was nothing that he could do now. That was the reality of it, he just had to face it. Nothing he could do. He closed his eyes for a second, steadied himself before he made his way in.

Nothing he could do. 

Breathe

Time to look forward.

Gritting his teeth, he made his way cautiously inside and glanced around, noting with another pang the bust-open cash register and the water leaking from the bottom of the fridge. It was jarring more than anything. Like seeing an old friend's face disfigured by bruises and scars. Standing in the entrance, he felt a thickness rising in his throat as a sickening realisation crept up on him.

He should have been here.

Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference. Perhaps it didn't even matter now anyway, since he was leaving the country, leaving everything- but guilt settled horribly in the pit of his stomach as he looked around himself. This was his parents' store. It was all that they'd left him- all that he had and had he even thought to defend it in the flurry? He had done nothing.

But then, he thought, he could've been killed, he wasn't strong, he had no real weapons- it would have been hopeless. He frantically reassured himself as he haphazardly restacked a few tins that had been left behind. It would have been hopeless- too dangerous- oh, thank God no one had been here-

A noise from the back room made him look around sharply. Someone was still here? Who would be camping out in a ruined bodega in the middle of the day? It was still scorching- maybe someone seeking shelter from the heat, maybe one of the looters had stuck around. Gingerly, he made his way to the back of the shop, listening intently. Quiet shuffling could be heard from through the door- just the shift of clothes on clothes as someone moved around, and a scraping- a chair, shoved sideways. It didn't sound like a lot of people- one or two; maybe he could take them, or kick them out at least. He was almost at the door when he heard a voice.

“Lift your head a bit?”

Usnavi stopped short. Graffiti Pete? He felt anger flare up in him- Had he been one of the looters last night? He cursed himself- he'd known that kid couldn't be trusted- what on earth had he been thinking letting him hang around the store- look what it had gotten him! Had he lead the looters here? Had he-

Then another voice drifted through to him, and his mind went blank with shock.

"Ow! Man, that stings like a-"

"Do you want that to get infected or not?"

There was no answer. Usnavi stood frozen, his mind ticking over. Sonny? Sonny was here? He could feel himself slipping into a panic- Had he been here last night? Was he alright- god- _infected-_ was he hurt? The conversation on the other side of the wall was continuing.

"Stop scratching it, man, you're gonna make it worse."

“I’m not- Hey, ow!”

“Hold still.” He heard an exaggerated groan from Sonny, followed by another reproachful yelp of pain.

“Baby.”

“I am not!”

Usnavi moved closer, peering through the gap in the door to catch a glimpse of the scene inside. Sonny was sat in a chair facing the wall- arms folded, covered in bruises. He looked awful. As his eyes travelled down his arms, across his face, taking in the bloody marks that littered his cousin's skin, Usnavi felt both his guilt and anger multiply at top speed- whoever had hurt that boy, they were going to regret it.

Graffiti Pete was on one knee in front of him, soaking a torn strip of cloth in some sort of ointment. Usnavi looked him over as best he could from his position by the door. He looked even worse than Sonny did, exhausted and beat up and angry, but there appeared to have been no move to treat his own injuries. Sonny himself was almost mummy-wrapped in makeshift bandages, in a cloth that he quickly matched to Pete's baggy shirt, which was torn until it resembled a crop-top. He had his back to the door, so Usnavi couldn't see his face, but the care with which he was dabbing a particularly nasty cut on Sonny's shoulder surprised him. He'd always seen the kid as trouble- nothing more than a disrespectful, vandalising slacker who didn't care for much beside himself- but the current situation shone something of a new light on him. Mentally reassessing him, at least to a point, he watched as he deftly looped the fabric under Sonny's arm, earning a wince when he smoothed it over with his thumb.

"Sorry." Sonny just shrugged.

"S'okay," he muttered. There was a beat of silence before Pete replied.

"Someone's had a quick change of heart. Calling you a baby really got to you, huh?"

"Nah- I just- " More silence, as, through the door, Usnavi watched his cousin pick at the hem of his tank and stare down at his fingers- a tick he'd had for as long as he could remember. "Thanks." He said, finally. Pete stood watching him, evidently waiting for him to say more, but when he didn't, nodded shortly and muttered,

"You're welcome."

Sonny shifted in his chair, stopping his fiddling and sliding his hand back into his pocket.

"Look- I'm sorry for being an ass."

That seemed to catch Pete off-guard- he straightened and took a step towards him, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

"Just-" Sonny seemed to struggle for words for a second. "- complaining, and shit. You stayed, and you didn't have to, and-"

"Hey, don't say that, man." Pete interrupted him, ducking his head to make Sonny catch his eye. "Of course I stayed."

Sonny swallowed, and nodded, still looking down.  A few moments passed again in silence, the two of them standing face to face without speaking. Pete broke it.

"And you don't gotta apologise for your whining, Sonshine, I know you're a big wuss." At that, Sonny grinned a little, looking up at last.

"Shut up."

Unable to keep quiet any longer, Usnavi pushed open the door and took a step inside. The two boys looked up at the noise, surprised, and he noticed Pete move to stand in front of Sonny protectively- before recognising him and retreating again- and the expressions on their faces weren't friendly. Sonny looked reproachful. Pete looked angry. Usnavi glanced from one to the other, taking in their matching cuts and bruises and the rough-and-ready bandages striping Sonny's arms, and found himself lost for words. He was in the wrong here. He had screwed up, big time. All he could do was start from the beginning.

“What… What happened?” he asked. Sonny half-laughed, but there was no mirth in the noise, it was dark and hurt. He’d never heard Sonny laugh like that before.

“The hell you think, cuz?” He gestured to himself, to his bloody shirt and cut-up face. “Store got looted, we tried to protect it, got beat up, got the fuck out, came back this morning. Nothing to it.” His cousin was looking at him dead on, a blooming bruise on his right cheekbone making the dead-eyed expression somehow lopsided. Usnavi felt almost sick looking at him- Sonny was just a kid. A goofy, cheeky, bright-eyed kid. He shouldn’t be able to look like a veteran. He directed his gaze, instead, to Pete, who wasn’t looking at either of them. He was leaning against the wall, ripped up tank showing a shallow gash and still more bruising across his stomach, staring blankly at the floor. Usnavi knew he had to say something. He had to make up for this- for what he hadn't done, and he opened his mouth to do it, but felt the words die on his lips. The air was tight.

A beat.

“I’m gonna check out the grate.” Sonny muttered, and shouldered past him through the door without acknowledging him further.

Usnavi stared after him, heard the uneven footsteps and the bell at the front chime harshly, and then nothing. There were a few seconds of silence.

“The grate?”

“Broken. Couldn’t get it down last night.”

Another pause.  Usnavi fought to find words.

This was his fault. That much was clear, at least- what he’d done, or rather- hadn’t done, was one of the biggest mistakes he’d ever made; in the rush to get to Abuela, had the thought of the kid even crossed his mind? But, of course, Sonny- young, optimistic, idealistic Sonny- had rushed to protect his store- how could he not have known- how had he abandoned him like that?

“I should have been here.” he said, quietly, almost to himself.

“Yeah. Yeah, you should have.” Usnavi looked up. Pete was glaring coldly at him, bloody bruises patchworking his face horribly. The simple truth of the matter stared them both in the face. Pete had been here. Pete had been here, and Usnavi hadn’t. Why?

“I know. I- ” What could he say? He tried again. “You two shouldn’t… you were so brave to-”

“We were fucking lucky is what we were.” Pete cut him off harshly. His eyes were hard. _Lucky?_ Usnavi could only stare back at him in shock. Roughly, the young man wiped a stream of blood from his re-opened bottom lip and shook his head. His next words were deadpan.

“We were lucky none of them had guns.”

That made Usnavi’s chest seize up.

Guns. Oh god. They could’ve died. They could’ve died, Sonny could’ve-

“I knew he’d come back here.” Pete continued, cutting off his panic for a second. “Looking for you- or to try and save this place. I tried to talk him out of it, told him it was too dangerous, but he wouldn’t leave- he was sure you were gonna come find him. You even think about that, man? He thought you were coming- and - and when you didn’t, he still wouldn’t go- he was out there, hanging off the grate with his hands all bust up and they were shooting down the block and you know what he said?” Pete had taken a few steps towards him now, voice rising to a shout. “He said 'It’s all Usnavi’s got left!' He stayed for _you_ , man- and where were you? Still out with your girl, were you, taking advantage of the dark?”

“I- I was- ”

“Cause we were so fucking lucky that only two of those guys had knives. You hear me? Think about that for just one damn second- we were lucky and it was still a close call- we almost- he could’ve- _fuck_.” Pete’s voice cracked and he broke off, biting down hard onto his knuckle, redirecting his gaze to the ground.

Usnavi stared at him. His mind felt inside-out, trying to reconcile the furious, broken man in front of him with the layabout delinquent he’d thought that he knew- and he only seemed angry over Sonny. No mention at all of his own purpling eye or the messy red slash down the side of his chest- Sonny was what he was angry about, and that just didn’t make sense. Sure, he knew they talked when Pete hung around the barrio- they were closer in age than any of the other neighbours- and sometimes Sonny would help him sort through his paint cans, despite Usnavi’s protests, but this?

Why had he stayed- why had he come looking for Sonny in the first place? He’d always assumed that Pete saw Sonny as a bit of a nuisance, hanging around and getting in the way of his ‘work’, and yet here he was, almost hysterical over Usnavi’s absence when Sonny had needed him. Perhaps their relationship went further than the misguided admiration and grudging tolerance he’d interpreted it as- but ‘friends’ didn’t seem to work in conjunction with ‘Graffiti Pete’. Blame that on too many years of chasing the guy away from the side of his store. He’d never once seen him with a friend.

“Pete, I- ” he began, but the man held up a hand, and he snapped his mouth shut. He didn’t deserve a say in this, the gesture said- he hadn’t earned that right. He found himself reluctant to disagree.

Pete gritted his teeth, dug his nails into his palms, and took a deep, slow breath that made his whole body shake.

“He was so fuckin’ scared, man.” he whispered.

There were tears pricking his eyes.

“He was… he was terrified, and I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t tell him it was all gonna be ok- cause we both knew for fucking sure that wasn’t true- all we had was a goddamn baseball bat. We knew we had no chance. But he still had to try- that’s Sonny, right? He had to do the right thing, for you, even when he was putting his life on the line, even when you didn’t show up- when you don’t _fucking_ deserve his loyalty- you know how much he looks up to you? He’s braver  than you’ll _ever_ be- he stood out there, in the front of the store, with the door wide open and the grate up and I couldn't do _anything_ and I-” -he choked down a sob- “- I thought- ” -he _laughed_ \- “- I- I was so scared, man.”

He spoke the words as if he was frightened of them.

“I thought he was gonna die.”

The hollow note in his voice made something snap in Usnavi’s chest. When he spoke, his voice felt foreign in his mouth.

“You… You really care about him.” A watery, incredulous laugh slipped from Pete’s mouth and he gripped the sides of his own temple, looking back up at Usnavi at last with wild eyes.

“ _Care_ about him? Man- you don’t- God, I’m fuckin- ” He cut himself off again, and cursed, before grabbing his bag and shoving his way out of the back door without a backward glance.

Usnavi watched him go, and didn’t follow.


	2. Vanessa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abuela is gone, and so is Sonny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 !! i hope you enjoy :3 its 4am and i havent slept kill meee

Vanessa sat on Daniela's ratty couch with a drink in her hand and her mind completely numb. Nothing made sense. This couldn't be happening. Everything felt surreal, like she would wake up any second and find herself back at home with her usual trivial worries. Any second. She had to- this simply _couldn't_ be real.

Abuela was gone, and Usnavi was inconsolable.

They'd all tried to reach out to him, to help, but he wouldn't come down from the fire escape and he'd barely spoken a word since his eulogy in the street. He'd been closer to Abuela than anyone- she'd been his only guardian, after all, after his parents had died, and they'd had a bond from the beginning. They had always understood each other, been somehow apart from the rest of the neighbourhood- and as much as Vanessa had loved Abuela, she had never quite had what they had.

Usnavi needed time, they had decided. He needed to grieve, and they needed to let him. It hurt, though: the hollow look in his eyes as he stared out over the city, as if all the lights spread out before him had been snuffed into darkness. He looked so lost.

Dani and Carla had invited her over for company, and the three of them were sat in silence, still trying to make sense of what had happened. Abuela had been old, yes, they’d all known that- but she had been so bright, so full of life, they had never really thought about... They had never considered it. The idea of her motionless and cold in the ground was as incomprehensible as it was harrowing.

Carla was tear-stained, and Dani was quieter than Vanessa had known she was capable of being- out of all of them, she’d said the least since it had happened.

After a while, Vanessa’s phone rang. She picked it up- seeing Nina’s name on the screen.

“Nina?”

“Van, thank god- I need your help.” Nina’s voice was panicked, her words rushed, and Vanessa felt fear jolt through her.

“Of course- what is it?” she said quickly. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine- it’s just- it’s Sonny.”

Her blood went cold. Immediately her mind was flung back, searching- when had she last seen him? Where had he gone after the news?

“Oh God, what’s happened?” She got to her feet, shifting Carla off her and ignoring the other two women’s stares. “Is he alright? Is he- ?”

“I don’t know!” Nina's voice was tight with panic. “I saw him in the street- he was running down the block and I couldn’t catch him- and we’ve looked everywhere, we don’t know where he is, who he’s with- we’ve got to find him, Van, what if he’s-”

“I’m on my way." Vanessa cut her off, trying to keep her voice level and steady. "Dani and Carla too, we’ll find him, I promise.”

“I’m just scared, Nessa. We were all so busy with Usnavi- we didn’t even- I mean… She was his Abuela too.”

Vanessa bit her lip, nodded, then remembered Nina couldn’t see her and spoke.

“I know, I know- We’re on our way.” Pocketing her phone, she turned to Dani and Carla, who were staring at her from the couch.

“Get up, we need to go. Sonny’s gone missing.” Their eyes widened- Carla’s mouth falling open- and they quickly got to their feet. “I don’t think anyone’s seen him since the news.” Vanessa continued, pulling on her shoes. “We’ve got to find him as soon as possible. We meet with Nina at the dispatch and then split up, ok?” The girls nodded quickly. Fear was clearly written on their faces. They barely spoke through the journey.

When they got to Nina, they found that Benny was with her, and he was almost as worried as she was. They really had looked everywhere- the bodega, Abuela's apartment, the park, the dispatch, and they'd called his cell nearly sixty times to no reply. Knowing that it was useless, but struck by a desperation to do _something,_ the five of them retraced those steps, combing the side-streets and alleyways and leaving increasingly frantic messages when their calls went straight to voicemail. Climbing up to Nina's fire escape for the third time, Vanessa could feel herself losing hope. There was nowhere else that he could be, unless he'd run right out of the neighbourhood and into streets none of them knew, but she didn't want to think about that. She'd done it once herself. Just started running without looking back and ended up lost, frightened- She shook her head, warding off the thoughts like smoke. Leaning on the railing, she stared out over the apartment blocks, as if scanning the streets for a bobbing grey cap could help their search at all.

Sonny couldn't just be gone. They'd find him. They had to.

She met Nina soon after at the door to the bodega, cell phone in hand, calling yet again. The helpless look on her face told Vanessa that she knew exactly how much good it was going to do.

The pair of them sat side by side on the steps, among the littering of broken glass, unspeaking. Vanessa found herself returning to the dazed thought that this simply couldn't be real. Sonny, gone. He could be hurt, or worse, and- her stomach twisted almost painfully- what if they didn't find him? What if this was it, and he was gone.

Nina was close to tears, gritting her teeth together furiously, as if refusing to let her worry get the best of her. She and Sonny were close, she knew, their relationship far more sibling-like than anything. The kid's childhood crush on her that had followed him surprisingly far into his teen years had become much more admiration and trust than anything romantic in the recent months- though whether Nina was really aware of that was hard to know, and she still teased him about it as they all did. Either way, Nina was chewing through her lip, and only Benny's arrival a little while later brought her out of her silent worry.

"I checked the dispatch again," he said. "- and the parking lot, and the drugstore. Nobody's seen him." Nina got to her feet, holding back tears.

"I'm going to check the park," she muttered, ignoring Benny's "Nina, wait-" and hurrying down the street without another word. Benny let his hand drop and looked to Vanessa helplessly.

"I'm guessing you two didn't have too much luck either." She shook her head. They stood in silence for a few seconds before Vanessa voiced the thought that had been pressing on her mind for the better part of an hour.

"Someone needs to tell Usnavi."

Sonny's cousin was still up on the fire escape, lost in thought, completely unaware that the kid was missing. They hadn't wanted to disturb him with more bad news- had hoped to find Sonny quickly and have him home safe before Usnavi knew anything was wrong- but the way things were going, it didn't look like that was going to be an option. Benny nodded in agreement.

"You should do it," he said. "If anyone can give him this news without the whole place going to shit, it's you." She didn't argue, just returned his nod and smiled weakly when he squeezed her shoulder.

"Sure."

"I'll go find Nina. Someone needs to stop her before she starts going through trash cans." He was trying to smile, but the expression was horribly strained.

He raised a hand in farewell as he headed off down the street in the direction Nina had gone, and Vanessa was left with the rather unappealing prospect of telling Usnavi the news. It would be too much, she was sure of it. Losing Abuela had already taken enough of a toll on him; the possibility of losing Sonny, too, could break him. Still, he deserved to know. This was his family- she couldn't keep something like this a secret.

With a sick trepidation in her gut, Vanessa made her way up the stairs at the back of the bodega, stepping over shattered glass and bits of broken shelf to get there- they still hadn't managed to clear it all up- trying to think of how best to put it. There was no good way of explaining. His cousin- his only family, now- was gone, and he might not be coming back.

When she had almost reached the top of the fire escape, she called out, hesitantly, to no reply. Taking a few steps further, she peered around the corner, and, unable to see the man's crouching form at the railing, was seized with the sudden, horrible thought that he'd thrown himself off- but then she turned, and there he was. With his back against the wall, his legs swinging freely in the air over the edge of the metal grid, he stared out blankly over the city. The sun was setting, staining the river blood red- like running paint, she thought dazedly. Something stirred at the back of her mind, but she pushed it back down. She had to tell him.

"Usnavi?" She reached out and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, cautious of any sudden movements. He didn't respond. "Usnavi?" She tried again."It- It's Sonny. Have you seen him anywhere? We... We can't find him." The question was pointless, of course- Usnavi had been up on the fire escape since before the kid had gone missing- but it might help to ease the blow, she thought, to treat it like something smaller. An 'Oh, I'm sure he's around' as opposed to the hours of helpless, frantic searching. At her words, he flinched, turning to meet her gaze at last. No part of his face moved for a second except his eyes, which widened almost infinitesimally but were immediately flooded with panic.

"He's missing?" he croaked. _Shit._

"Well- I mean, we don't- "

"Oh- _mierda!_ " Usnavi spat, and scrambled to his feet, stumbling through the door without looking at her and frantically grabbing for his phone. Vanessa followed, trying to calm him down, to explain, but he took no notice- he had the phone to his ear- Sonny didn't pick up, of course- and she pried it away from him as she heard it go to voicemail. His whole face was sallow with fear.

"Usnavi, listen to me- " she started, but he pulled away from her, panic making his movements clumsy. He was muttering hurriedly under his breath- snatches of words, as if his thoughts were scattered completely.

"I've got to- Van, we have to- I shouldn't have- God, what if he's- shouldn't have left him alone- not again, not again- "

Desperately, Vanessa tried to follow his thoughts, get his attention. He started to make for the door, but she took his arms firmly and pulled him back.

" _Again?_ Usnavi, what do you mean- 'again'? Has this happened before?" He shook his head, looking distractedly over her shoulder.

"No- He just- _fuck,_ I- "

" _Usnavi!_ " At the look on her face, he closed his mouth. He closed his eyes, too, and shied away from her, freeing his hands and running them frantically through his hair. He took a breath.

"In the blackout. He... He was by himself. At the bodega."

Vanessa felt her chest tighten.

"He was _what-?_ "

He had left him? The bodega had been looted- wrecked completely, they'd all seen it- but she hadn't even considered the possibility that anyone had been there. She felt her mind flash back to Sonny's uncharacteristically long sleeves and pants that morning- he'd been hurt, he'd been hiding it- oh _god-_ Usnavi spoke desperately, shaking his head with his eyes screwed shut-

"I know, I know, I know and I hate myself for it- and he was all beat up and frightened and then he wouldn't talk to me and- "

“He wasn’t talking to you? God, Usnavi this could be- ”

This could be bad. If they hadn’t been talking- if there’d been a wedge between the cousins already, if Sonny had really run away…

“I know- I have to- ” He seemed to make a decision, suddenly, and pushed roughly past her to the door. “I’m gonna find him.” he muttered. “I’m gonna- I’ll check the park.”

Without looking back as he stumbled down the stairs, he pulled on a jacket- and grabbed Sonny’s from the hook on the wall, too- and pushed through the door. Vanessa followed at a run, grabbing at his shoulders, but he was driven to distraction in his worry and didn’t even look around. Before he could stop him, he was sprinting down the street just as Nina had done, and she knew it was hopeless to follow.

Groaning, she sat down on the sidewalk and pulled her phone from her pocket. Daniela’s phone was engaged- she was probably calling Sonny again.

“Hey, Dani,” she said, monotone. “No dice here. Usnavi’s hit the streets. Call me back. Love you.”

As she sighed and looked around her, that sense of dread and hopelessness settled over her still more firmly. What more could they do? Sure, maybe he would turn up, maybe just come back by himself- but Vanessa had never been one to rely on hoping. Not being able to _do_ anything to solve the situation made her feel like she was about to boil over. It was going to be dark soon. A breeze picked up a little around her ankles and a police siren wailed in the distance. If she held her hand flat against the sidewalk she could imagine she felt the rumble of traffic across Washington Bridge. Life went on. Without Sonny.

Without Abuela.

Vanessa took a sudden breath and shook her head- it wasn’t the same. There was no way of bringing Abuela back but it wasn’t the same thing; they would find Sonny. They couldn’t just give up. She pulled out her phone again, but just as she was about to try calling Sonny’s cell, Daniela’s face popped up on the screen.

“Hey, Dani,” she answered it.

“Van, I just called Pete and I’d bet you anything Sonny’s with him.”

“What?” Hope stirred instantly in her chest, like a pair of fluttering wings. “What do you mean? What did he say?”

“He was definitely pissed, and when I told him about Sonny he didn’t even react- he’d have been out of his head if he thought that kid might be in danger. Sonny’s with him.”

“You think so?”

“I’m positive.” There wasn’t a note of doubt in Dani’s voice. “Benny managed to corner Usnavi,” she continued, “and we’re on our way to him right now- you go see, alright? His apartment’s number 17B on the corner of Fort Washington.” Too exhausted and anxious to ask how Dani knew Graffiti Pete’s address, Vanessa agreed at once and picked herself up from her seat at the side of the road. A lead was so much more than she’d expected; she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but it was difficult not to. Dani knew Pete a lot better than she did, and if what she said was true… She could really be about to find him. It would all be okay.

The area wasn’t one she knew well. She didn’t pass this way often- only ever in a rush to get to the station, and early in the morning- but knew it wasn’t a friendly neighbourhood and found herself rather uneasy as dusk started to fall.

She didn’t really know Pete, either. Sure, he hung around the bodega and vandalised their walls from time to time, but she didn’t actually think they’d ever held a meaningful conversation. She didn’t _know_ him- wouldn’t have considered him a friend- but that hardly mattered now. This was a shot at finding Sonny. She shrugged off her inhibitions and carried on forward, hoping to God Dani had given her the right address.

When she reached the apartment block she buzzed up for 17B, but didn’t get a reply. Standing on the sidewalk in front of the grimy doors, Vanessa tried hard to hold on to the hope she’d had only moments before. Okay, so maybe Pete just wasn’t answering. If Dani was right and Sonny was up there with him, that didn’t change the fact that Sonny was alright- he was safe. Perhaps he just wanted time alone. If no one was home… Well, Sonny could still be with him, right? They were just somewhere else. But they hadn’t run into them on their search- they could be further into the city, they could be… They could be anywhere.

What should she do? She could call Dani. Or Nina. Call someone, find out if they’d got any further, and how Usnavi was doing. Dani was closer with Pete than she was- perhaps she’d be able to get him to answer if he was up in his apartment, or know where else he might be. Frustration ate at her, and fear. The sky was darkening. She’d really thought they might be getting somewhere, and now… Perhaps it really was hopeless.

Just as she was about to start heading back towards the bodega, a sound caught her attention, and she stopped short to listen, that fluttering, hopeful feeling stirring again in her chest. The hiss of a spray can cut cleanly through the air. Someone was painting- Pete, Pete was nearby? She frowned, trying to figure out where it was coming from. A low, uneven wall barred her from the alley at the side of the building, and the sound seemed to be coming from the other side of it; she could hear the movement of feet, too- someone was definitely behind there. Climbing the few pseudo-steps that the uneven bricks formed, she hoisted herself half over it, looking down at the opposite side.

As soon as she did, Vanessa was flooded with a mixture of great relief and renewed worry. Sonny was down there, a can in each hand and what looked like a tea towel tied around his face, painting something huge and misshapen on the vast stretch of brick. There was an awful lot of red in it. Graffiti Pete was sitting propped against a pile of rubble, tossing an empty soda can up into the air and catching it again at a steady pace, getting higher and higher each time. He was letting his head loll back, staring up at the sky with low-lidded eyes. His face and arms were littered with bruises, but her eyes flicked quickly back to Sonny. She had been right about the reason for his clothing choice- having traded in the long button-down he’d been sporting that morning for a large, baggy tank top that showed both his binder and his ribs and definitely didn’t belong to him, his arms and shoulders were on full show. A few scraps of cloth had been bound around some of the nastier cuts but it did nothing to hide the angry red grazes on his skin, the bruises on his collarbone- the way he’d shifted all his weight onto his left leg didn’t escape her notice either and she cursed herself for not seeing it sooner. She’d barely had a glimpse of him that morning, but still. She should have known.

And Pete was injured too. Had he been there, then? Had he been with Sonny in the blackout? She’d have thought he’d take the opportunity to plaster their walls in the panic- no one would have taken any notice of one more vandal among the riots- but then, Sonny had come here, to him, in his grief. That had to say something.

She continued to watch, worried, as Sonny took a couple of steps back and looked up at his work. It was all jagged, outward slashes with a festering crimson centre- smeared with black and purple, twisting like something alive. Across it flew lancing white spears, poking at the edges and spreading out across the space. He stood motionless for a moment, and then grabbed another spray can from a small collection at his feet, letting the first two clatter to the ground. This one was a harsh, sickly yellow- he painted long, bleeding tracks with it, running up and down the wall and smothering the picture. As she watched, the swiping motions he was making grew shorter, sharper, and more urgent- swift, overlapping marks growing closer and closer together. Slashing violently, he let out a yell with every stroke and stepped closer to the wall until his nose was almost pressed against it- one hand up against the bricks and the other holding the can barely an inch away, keeping the nozzle down firmly, letting the stream of ochre run down and pool at his feet. With a grunt that was almost a sob, he slammed the can into the brickwork- and then did it again, and again, and then the can slipped from his grasp and he carried on hitting, smashing his fists into the wall and starting to sob outright- and then- before she had even seen him move- Pete was holding him.

He had leapt to his feet in an instant and gripped him tightly from behind, trapping his arms by his sides and pulling him away- and Sonny was still grunting and struggling, but Pete was strong and he held him fast. Vanessa got a good look at his face for the first time and saw an oddly resigned expression there. Holding Sonny firmly, even when the kid managed to twist around and pound against his chest, he moved in a way that felt practiced. There was no surprise about him in the wake of Sonny’s outburst. Still half over the wall, Vanessa watched the fight drain out of Sonny as his punches gradually slowed to weak swats, saw him collapse against Pete with a broken sob and bury his face into his chest, curling into him as they both sank to their knees.

She could only stare. Pete was running his fingers gently through Sonny’s curls, rocking gently back and forth and rubbing his back- and for some reason, the most prominent thought in her mind was still that he’d done this before. His arms were placed too comfortably, his fingers moving too easily, for this to have been something new. His body had slipped into place like a puzzle piece- like he was used to having Sonny curled into him like that- and she had to take a second to wrap her head around that thought.

Again she was reminded that she didn’t really know Pete, not well. He was Graffiti Pete, neighbourhood vandal, a little gruff, a bit of a nuisance, a warning to other kids if their grades weren’t up to scratch in school. He was part of the barrio, yes, but it struck her quite suddenly that she’d never held a real conversation with him- never bothered to ask after him; he was little more than a part of the scenery that formed their home. Like the fire escapes. Like his own sprawling graffiti, splashed across their walls. And here he was, whispering something into Sonny De la Vega’s hair as he shook and sobbed against his chest, one hand making patient circles between his shoulder-blades and the other combing through his tousled curls- and Sonny’s breath was steadying. His tears were drying. He sighed and curled further against the man, and the fond, involuntary, sad little smile that slid onto Pete’s face looked as natural as anything she’d seen. Yeah. He was no stranger to this.

After a few seconds, Sonny pulled back, and Pete held him at arm’s length, hunching down so their eyes were level. They were still on their knees. He was saying something, quietly, and Sonny was nodding, reaching up an arm to wipe away his tears- Pete used his own thumb to catch the rest of them. Sonny muttered something- she thought she caught the words “leaving” and “don’t matter” - and then Pete was pulling him up to his feet again and crushing him against his chest. As he shook his head, murmuring something she couldn’t hear, she caught sight of his face- and saw that he was crying, too.

Feeling that she was intruding on something that should really have been private, Vanessa climbed down cautiously from her perch on the wall- trying not to make any sound. After a moment's thought, she made her way down the street, and she pulled out her phone and called Nina again, the panic that had gripped her all afternoon beginning to recede. Sonny was alright. Well, perhaps not completely, but he was safe, and he had Pete. Pete… it sat so oddly in her head. Pete, cradling Sonny and whispering reassurances to him- the one Sonny had gone to at his lowest point- and he had been crying as he held him…

She was jolted from her thoughts when Nina picked up the phone.

“Vanessa? What is it? Are you- ”

“I’m fine, I’m fine- I... I found him, Nina.” she said quickly, and heard the sharp intake of breath over the receiver.

“Oh thank God! Can I speak to him? Is he- ” Vanessa winced a little.

“He’s- uh- he’s not with me. But he’s safe- he just needs some time alone.” There were a few seconds of silence before Nina replied.

“Alright…" she murmured. She still sounded concerned. "If you’re sure he’s okay?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Right. Great. Well- are you on your way? Carla found Navi running round the park and we’re all back at his apartment with him- you can calm him down, if anyone can.”

“I’m just coming.” she assured her. “I’ll be there in ten.”

When she reached the little flat, the man himself met him at the door. He grabbed her arm urgently, the movement contrasting with the blank vacancy of his eyes.

“Where is he?” His voice was hoarse and desperate. Vanessa smiled at him as reassuringly as she could, and directed him back inside, to where the others were waiting. Nina and Benny had both leapt to their feet upon her arrival, while Dani and Carla were already standing, and all fixed wide, worried eyes on her as she gently pushed Usnavi into a chair.

“He’s fine.” she told them. “Well- no worse than after the blackout- but- ”

“The blackout?” Nina stepped forward sharply, her eyes widening further. “What happened- what do you mean?” Vanessa hesitated, looking quickly at Usnavi- would he be comfortable with her telling them? He grimaced, and nodded, so she continued.

“He… He was at the bodega, last night.” she said. “He got into a fight trying to protect the store from looters- he’s got some nasty bruises, but otherwise alright. I think… I think Pete was with him?” She glanced to Usnavi again for confirmation and, again, he nodded. It was Benny’s turn to look up at her in shock.

“Graffiti Pete?” he asked, incredulously. “Really? Not that I- I mean- why would he…?” He trailed off. Vanessa could only shrug. She noticed that neither Nina nor Carla looked at all surprised, and that Dani was smiling slightly in what looked like satisfaction.

“I don’t know. That’s where Sonny went today, though, so he must trust him.”

“He was with Pete all day?” Benny looked still more astonished.

“Yes- down at his apartment. He was painting. I- uh- I didn’t talk to him, or… He looked like he needed some time.” This last comment was directed mostly to Usnavi. Numbly, the man nodded. His shoulders sagged and he slumped forward over the counter with his head in his hands.

Vanessa herself was starting to feel a little giddy- the reality of it catching up with her at last. Sonny was safe. He was going to be ok.

It was getting truly dark, and they were on the brink of starting to worry again, when the front door swung open and Sonny shuffled in with his hat down low. In an instant, Nina had leapt to her feet, Benny had yelled out, and Usnavi was upon him, throwing his arms around his cousin wordlessly and choking out a sob. Sonny froze in shock, wide-eyed, and stared at the faces surrounding him.

“G- Guys- you- ”

“We were worried sick!” Nina cried. “You could have been lost, or shot, or- ”

“We’ve been looking all day, man! You weren’t at the park, or the dispatch, or the drugstore- it was like you vanished! You can’t just up and leave like that, you scared us to death!” Benny was striding over too, looking as though he wanted to throw his arms around both Sonny and Usnavi, but had thought better of it. Dani and Carla’s voices blended into and over each other- a mixture of scolding and “thank goodness you’re alright!”s- and Sonny looked completely bewildered.

“You guys… I’m ok- really. I just needed some time, you know?”

They all fought for words. Vanessa had asked them not to mention the fact that they knew where he’d been; she suspected he might be embarrassed by what she’d seen behind Pete’s apartment. None of them were bringing it up, therefore, but that certainly didn’t mean they had nothing to say.

“How could you expect us not to worry? You just left- !”

“I was still in the neighbourhood- "

“Pretty good hiding, if you ask me- you could have been- ”

“You weren’t answering your phone- !”

“It was dead, I- ”

“We couldn’t find you anywhere- !”

“What the hell were you-”

“I didn’t think you’d care!” Sonny shouted suddenly, breaking away from Usnavi.

They all stared.

“I… I didn’t think you’d notice, ok? You were all… with Usnavi, and… I just… I didn’t think it’d matter to you.”

A beat.

“Not matter to us?” Nina half-whispered, sounding horror-struck. “Sonny…” Apparently unable to find the words, she took a few tentative steps forward, holding out her arms. Sonny seemed to hesitate- but then all but ran the foot towards her and threw his arms around her neck, screwing his eyes shut. Nina hugged him back, fiercely, and Benny wrapped his arms around the pair of them. Vanessa, Carla, and Daniela went and joined the hug too, though Usnavi stayed by the door where Sonny had left him. They stayed like that for as long as they dared, all five of them trying to communicate to the boy without words just how much he meant to them- how worried they’d been, how they were here for him, how much they loved him. It couldn’t have worked- the feelings were too much, but they could hope that at least some of the message got through.

When Sonny broke away, he managed a weak smile, and rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry, guys, I… I shouldn’t have run off.” Benny shook his head firmly.

“No- we’re sorry for making you feel like we didn’t care about you. We’re here for you, man, no matter what. That’s not gonna change.” There was a murmur of agreement from the others, and Sonny’s smile became a little more sure.

“I know. I… I’m gonna turn in. Pretty tired.” He took a few steps back towards his room, and Benny reached out and squeezed his arm.

“Alright, kid. See you tomorrow- and if you need to talk, you know we’re here.”

“Goodnight, Sonny- try and get a good night’s rest, ok?”

“Sweet dreams, chico!”

“Sonny?” Sonny turned. Usnavi was in the centre of the room, holding out a shaking hand. When the kid spoke, his tone was guarded.

“Yeah, cuz?”

“I…” He shook his head, and let his hand drop to his side. He took a breath.

“I’m sorry.”

A few seconds passed. Sonny stared at his cousin with a strained expression, as if a fierce battle was raging behind his eyes- and then he softened.

“S’ok,” he muttered. “I forgive you.”

He retreated into his room without another word, and closed the door behind him.

Gradually, the girls and Benny took their leave- promising to stop by as soon as possible the next morning, offering more condolences, telling Usnavi to make sure Sonny came and talked to someone and didn’t bottle up- and Vanessa watched all their retreating footsteps from the door. She had pulled on her coat, and had been about to leave, when she remembered something she’d meant to ask Usnavi earlier.

“Usnavi?” He looked up from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Hmm?”

“You said… was Pete with him? Last night?” Usnavi looked back down at his knees.

“Yeah.” he murmured. “He was at the store when I got in this morning. Patching Sonny up- it- it was just them last night. Christ, Van, he- They could have died. I keep thinking- why was he there, and not me?” Vanessa didn’t have an answer to that- but Usnavi continued anyway. “He really… He really gave me a piece of his mind- he was furious about me leaving Sonny- and I don’t know…” He trailed off, and shook his head. “Maybe I’ve been underestimating him. He really seemed to care about him. About Sonny, I mean”

Yeah. Yeah, he really did.

“I guess that’s why Sonny went to him today.” Vanessa said quietly. “I mean, Pete was there for him before, so…”

The unspoken ‘and you weren’t’ hung between them. She took her leave without another word.

Passing the graffiti on the corner of the street, she tried to shake off the confusion, and the curiosity- so what if Sonny found comfort in Pete?- and of course Pete would be worried about Sonny- he knew him well enough and he had been in real danger- but… What she’d seen today had looked like more than that.

The thoughts lingered at the back of her mind as she made her own way home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING! please comment if you liked and tell me why !!


	3. Nina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS LIKE BEFORE BUT BETTER JUST TRUST ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOO LOOK GUYS  
> i actually havent finished chapter 4 quite yet but im still gonna post it bc i love to suffer apparently,,,,, maybe i can write more tonight and tomorrow  
> enjoy !

It was just past sunrise when Nina woke up to a sharp rapping on her door. At first, she thought she might have imagined it, but it sounded again, more insistently, and she managed to pull herself upright and stumble groggily through the hall, rubbing her eyes with a yawn. When she pulled the door open, Sonny de la Vega was standing on the sidewalk. He looked distinctly anxious, twisting the hem of his shirt in his fists, his shoulders tense, brows knitted together.

“Sonny? What is it?” Sonny usually slept late when he could- he’d only be out and about this early if it was something important. He looked up at her, expression strained.

"Can I come in?" Nina opened the door wider, frowning.

"Of course, honey, what's wrong?" He didn't answer as he ducked into the house, awkwardly shuffling through to the living room and sitting down on the sofa after a nod from her- anxious and stiff, his whole body taught. "Sonny, what is it?" she asked again. As she sat down next to him, putting a warm hand on his shoulder, he bit his lip and muttered "It's about Usnavi."

Oh.

She had been expecting this- well, perhaps not this exactly, but something like it- with Sonny's cousin, his only family, leaving for D.R. in a matter of days, she'd been surprised, in fact, that it had taken so long to get to him. Abuela's death, she had supposed, had cast it into ample shadow- but now, here he was, looking drained, exhausted, with his eyes deep and hollow and she couldn't think what she was supposed to do. He needed her, and  she did the only thing that came to mind and held him tight and whispered "Oh, cariño- "

"He's not going."

The words were flat. It took a second for them to reach her brain.

"He's not going." Sonny repeated, and this time there was a crack in his voice and she pulled back to see tears gathering in his eyes, spilling over his cheeks. "Nina, he's staying." he whispered.

Starting to cry in earnest now, the boy slumped over onto her shoulder- Nina barely caught him in time- and sobbed against her shirt as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, managing through her shock to stroke his hair and say "It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay" as he shuddered helplessly against her with every breath.

Usnavi was staying?

Why? He'd had his heart set on going back to his homeland since even before his parents had passed- now, with the tickets in his grasp and Abuela's memory to spur him on, she couldn't think why he'd have passed the opportunity up.

And why was Sonny reacting like this? She'd have thought he'd be overjoyed that his cousin was staying- yet he was crying into her shoulder, gripping her arms if she was the only thing keeping him grounded.

Once the boy had calmed down enough to talk again, she pulled away and looked at him carefully. His expression was oddly hollow- empty, she thought, as if he'd had the colour drained out of him. He went slack against the cushions with his arm over his face and drew a long, shaky breath.

"He's staying." he repeated- numb. Nina couldn't find words. After a few moments, Sonny continued. "He's gonna use the money to fix up the store, and give some to Vanessa to help her move downtown. He's not going." Hesitantly, Nina moved a little closer to him, putting a cautious hand on his arm. She couldn't begin to understand what he was feeling- the kid seemed almost shell-shocked.

"When did you find out?" she asked.

"Just now. H- He sent me an' Pete to tell the whole barrio- I just- I needed to... Pete's passing the message round."

Sonny was hunched over now, gripping his arms and looking tense again. Nina bit her lip. "Do you have any idea what changed his mind?" He shrugged one shoulder, still not looking at her.

"I think it was Pete, actually." Nina started, eyes widening.

"Really? What-"

"Well, us, I guess- me and him. We- uh..." He scratched the back of his neck. "I- I commissioned him, actually- got him to paint a mural on the grate. Of... of Abuela. It took him all night- and Navi came to open the store, and we showed him, and he just said 'There goes my flight.'' and told us to spread the news." He looked like he didn't quite believe the words coming out of his mouth. "Just like that..." he murmured. He was still for a few moments, swallowing thick in his throat, before shaking himself off and looking agitated. "I mean- I wasn't trying to change his mind, I swear." he said, half to himself, "I just thought it'd be a good way to remember her, see, or- I don't know- it was the only thing I could think to do and I had to do something and- and- " He broke off with a frustrated grimace and shook his head. His hands were shaking. There were tears brimming in his eyes, but they didn't fall. "I had to do something."

Once again, Nina found that words had escaped her. Sonny- brave, thoughtful, Sonny- had had to find a way to honour his Abuela, even if it was a spray-painted mural on a bust-up grate. Of course he had. That was Sonny. That had always been Sonny; he had always had to- to do something, to make a difference, to make sure he wasn't just a bystander- he'd been defending the store when no one else had thought to do it, and he had sought out Pete while the rest of the barrio mourned, immobile- he had to make a difference. This time, he really, really had.

"It was still his choice, chico." she managed, eventually. Sonny looked up at her, eyes red. She swallowed hard and fought to continue, but he was speaking first.

"But Nina, if I hadn't- then he would've- and I don't want- "

"Sonny, listen. You're not... you're not keeping him here against his will, or... or anything you might be thinking." When his expression remained anguished, she squeezed his hand and leaned closer to look him dead on. "I promise, cariño. You're not... dragging him down."

He spent the rest of the night at Nina's place- and she eventually managed to persuade him to sleep, despite his protests that he'd pulled all-nighters and been fine before- and got several calls from various neighbours looking to confirm that- yes- Usnavi really was staying.

It wasn't until later that morning- when she had left Sonny snoring on her couch and headed down to the bodega, and found the man slumped on the front step, dazed and exhausted, and heard the words from his own mouth- that she really believed it herself.

Usnavi was staying.

A few days later, and the bodega was back in business- or, as much as it could be. Usnavi and Sonny took equal shifts at the counter while the other, along with much of the rest of the barrio, tried to patch the little shop back into shape. It was hardly a one-man job, and the money only took them so far- so almost everyone they knew lent a hand at some point. Benny did most of the heavy lifting, while Vanessa re-organised the setup of the entire store, and Carla- surprisingly good with numbers- worked through the costs of everything, handing Usnavi a neatly printed list at the end of the first week detailing the pros and cons in terms of almost every finance option they had.

When Sonny wasn't behind the counter, he was helping Benny in the store rooms or drawing spreadsheets up with Dani- he kept himself constantly busy, hardly a moment to spare for thought. At almost every opportunity, Usnavi would try to strike up a conversation with him- light and friendly and altogether far too normal for the circumstances. Sonny would brush him off more often than not, and come up with a new excuse or a job he was supposed to be doing, and dully avoid his eyes.

Nina had to give him at least a little credit- Usnavi was trying. He was doing his best to be as normal as he could around everyone- as if everything was fine- but it just wasn’t. That was the crux of the matter, when you got down to it. It wasn’t fine. They couldn’t go back to living as they had done- they couldn’t just go back to ‘normal’- not when Vanessa’s apartment was a maze of moving boxes, not when Sonny was odd and distant and hurt- and not when Abuela was gone.

Since his breakdown immediately after her death, Usnavi was almost unnervingly normal- he went about his business as usual, opening up the wreck of the bodega each morning and selling what he could- it was troubling, to say the least. And things between him and Sonny were still… tense. The boy was talking to him again, doing more than his fair share of the work and taking shifts without complaint, but it was all wrong. He didn’t laugh and joke around with Usnavi any more- any interactions she witnessed seemed far more boss/employee than the close cousins they all knew. It worried her more than she liked to let on- and knew the others in the barrio felt much the same.

At the same time, Usnavi wasn’t letting Sonny out on his own at all. Round-the-clock supervision from anyone and everyone, the kid had at least two sets of eyes on him at any given time- and she had almost wanted to scream when Usnavi told them all that's what he thought was necessary.

He was guilty, she knew, horribly guilty about what had happened, and felt like he needed to protect his little cousin, but he had gone about it just about the worst way possible. Rather than the comfort he seemed to expect it to give him, Sonny felt patronised and constricted, felt as if Usnavi was punishing him for staying out by himself in the blackout. And he felt guilty, too. He felt like he'd failed them.

All this Nina managed to figure out simply from watching the two De la Vegas- boys she'd grown up with and knew like the back of her hand, and they’d always been so _close._ But now it seemed like there was a gulf between them- and the worst part was that Usnavi just didn't seem to want to acknowledge it. While Sonny shrugged him off, locked himself in his room, spent hours re-organising the bodega's store-cupboards (he wrenched his back moving the boxes) Usnavi was as friendly as ever- admonishing him jokingly, laughing, making conversation as if nothing was wrong- and when his attempts to get the boy back to normal failed, he simply continued the same approach with more enthusiasm. It was almost painful to watch.

He wasn't leaving. That was how Usnavi saw it- he was staying here and that was that. But for Sonny, from the brief snatches and sobs and mutterings she'd been able to glimpse from him- for Sonny, what mattered was that he had been going to. He had been going to leave him. And if it wasn't for Abuela's death, he definitely would have done. And sure, perhaps he had been leaving him with $32K, but what was a sixteen-year-old going to do with that?

‘Where exactly had he thought Sonny was going to go?’ she found herself wondering. Perhaps her and her parents would have taken him in, or Daniela- she'd always had a soft spot for the kid- either that or he'd have ended up on the streets. No- no, they wouldn’t have let that happen, she thought furiously, shoving the idea from her head- Sonny knew that, he had to. And still, he felt horribly like he had forced Usnavi to stay.

While he was still distant with his cousin, Sonny was nearly his old self around most of the others- Nina in particular- something that made his attitude to Usnavi even worse by comparison. With Benny, Dani, Carla, or herself, he would laugh and joke around, all of them trying to treat his constant supervision as 'hanging out with friends' rather than what it really was, but he just... closed off around his cousin. They needed to talk it out, that was clear, but neither seemed likely to initiate. If this went on much longer, she was going to take matters into her own hands. They were part of the barrio- the only part left, it seemed like- and having them stiff and uncomfortable around each other was just wrong. They needed the De la Vegas back- both of them.

She was on Sonny-duty tonight- not exactly a chore, since all it meant was sitting behind the counter with him and getting a lot of free slushies when they couldn't think of anything to do. He was experimenting with new flavour combinations- and miscellaneous ingredients from the bodega's shelves- most of which were nothing short of disgusting, but hey, it passed the time.

Business was slow and the nights were hot, and they were leaning on the counter with the latest concoctions in their hands and all the doors and windows thrown wide, though it did little to combat the closeness of the air.

Sonny had managed to pull his lengthening curls into a sort of topknot on top of his head- he looked like a strawberry, and she'd told him so, to his deep mock-offence. He hadn't taken it out, though, and she had to suppress a giggle every time she looked over at him.

"A'ight." he was saying, now. "On three, ok?" She nodded, readying herself for whatever assault her taste-buds were about to receive. "One-" Sonny muttered. "Two.. Three!" Together, they took a large gulp each from the paper cups in their hands, and Nina's face screwed up reflexively as the flavours burst in her mouth. It wasn't necessarily bad, there was just an awful lot going on, and she felt her forehead start to burn a second later- a brain-freeze, which, from Sonny's flapping hands and grimace, he was suffering from as well.

Once they'd managed to swallow their mouthfuls, both giggling a little and grimacing from the aftertaste, she shoved the cup as far away from herself as she could.

"Do me a favour and never make that again." Sonny continued to laugh, nodding, starting to cough halfway through.

"Y- Yeah, that was- that was fucking gross."

"Language!" she chided him, but she was still laughing herself.

"Fucking. Gross." Sonny repeated, annunciating each syllable clearly- half a smirk present on his face. Nina laughed and put her hands over her ears, at which Sonny raised an eyebrow, bemused.

"What're you doing that for?"

"One of us has got to be the pure one around here- if it's not you, I'm taking your place."

"Oh yeah, 'cause I'm sure everything you do with Benny is completely pure..." Sonny drawled the words and batted his eyelashes, and Nina let out a snort, shoving at him lightly.

"What's with you today?" she chuckled. "What happened to my little Son-shine?"

"All his friends started screwing each other and abandoned him." Sonny muttered. He grabbed their two cups from the counter and went to get rid of the contents, and Nina watched after him with a fond smile- it was nice: the easy back-and-forth between them- it was familiar.

When he got back and hoisted himself up onto the counter, she followed suit, knocking their shoulders together lightly.

"Cheer up, chico." she said. "Dani and Carla are both single." Sonny stared glumly at his feet, tapping his heels against the counter.

"Oh, whoopee." he muttered.

"Hey..." Frowning, Nina shifted to face him better. "Does that really bother you? I mean- I know I've been spending more time with Benny, and now that Usnavi and Vanessa are-" Sonny cut her off, waving a hand.

"Nah, it's cool- I'm fine." he said. He shrugged- "I'm alright, don't stress. It's... different, now- what with Navi and Van, and you and Benny too- but it's not really a bad different. You two were on a date today, right?"

She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at that. She and Benny had spent the later part of the day at his apartment, cooked dinner together, and curled on the couch to watch one of the old black-and-white movies he loved- not a particularly fancy evening, by most people's standards, but it was more than enough for them. She nodded.

"Yeah, just a quiet one. Can’t afford a big fancy restaurant every time, can we?" It was wonderful, really, that she didn't need anything like that to feel special with Benny. Just being with  him was enough- even if it was eating his not-too-delicious cooking and trying not to laugh at the poor quality of the acting in a film that had him close to tears- just being with him made her feel safe, and valued. Sonny raised an eyebrow at the undoubtedly love-struck expression on her face, and she stuck her tongue out, turning away from him to hide her blush. With a laugh of his own, the boy slid off the counter so he was leaning against it, and sighed as he fiddled with the few curls that were escaping from his stupid top-knot.

“Y'know, it's funny," he managed eventually. "A year ago, I probably would’ve hated him. Still thought I was in love with you.” Pressing a hand to her chest, Nina gasped.

“ _Thought'?_ You mean your feelings for me were a lie? You ass- you were leading me on, all those years?” Sonny chuckled and rolled his eyes at her.

“S’not a lie if I thought I was telling the truth.” he pointed out. Then he frowned, biting his lip, as if trying to find words for something. “I just… I mean, I thought- I really, really liked you and you’re so smart, and beautiful, and funny- so, like, why wouldn’t I be in love with you- you know?” He faltered, scratching the back of his neck. “I guess I thought I was supposed to be, or… sorry- this isn’t making sense.”

“No, no, I get it.” Nina assured him. “I understand.” Sonny looked over at her and smiled gratefully, letting his hand drop to his side, and Nina was struck quite suddenly by how much older he looked.

She had noticed when she first got back, of course, that he’d grown much taller during her time away, that his jaw was sharpening and his puppy-fat receding, but it wasn’t until now that it had really hit her- how much Sonny was growing up. Becoming surer of his feelings was one thing- there was such a stark difference between the little boy who’d brought her flowers with a blushing, gap-toothed grin and the young man standing beside her with fondness in his eyes- there was love there, certainly, but it was a simpler kind. It made his eyes warm.

He carried himself differently, too- he was more confident, more mature- and he was doing everything he could to help patch up the bodega. She didn’t want to think about how that might partly be out of guilt- that he felt bad for not being able to save the shop during the riots. He’d looked so old after that, too. It had only flitted through her mind at the time- she’d been far more preoccupied with his injuries- but she did remember thinking that, bruised and angry, glaring sourly at Usnavi- Sonny just hadn’t looked like a kid any more. And he didn’t look like one now.

Blinking back tears that suddenly threatened to build in her eyes, she smiled brightly at him and squeezed his shoulder. Sonny frowned, looking at her with concern.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you alright?” Nina sniffed and nodded.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. It’s just…” She melted under his worried gaze. “It’s just- you went and grew up while I was away, and I missed it.” The words sounded clichéd as she spoke them, but Sonny’s eyes widened at her tears and he pulled her quickly into a tight hug. He was almost as tall as her, now- tall enough to rest his chin on her shoulder as she laughed wetly into his.

“C’mon.” he muttered. “I ain’t as big as all that.” Nina sighed and held him tighter.

“You are, though. Don’t need a babysitter any more, do you?”

“Sure I do. Navi's got eyes on me 24/7.” She caught the bitterness behind his words, and pulled back to look him in the eye.

“He’s just worried about you.” she told him, casting him a scolding look when he rolled his eyes. “You know how bad he feels for leaving you by yourself during the blackout, and… about everything after. This is his way of trying to make up for it.” Sonny continued to frown, not saying a word. Sighing, Nina cuffed his chin lightly with her knuckles and felt her heart lift as the old gesture brought a smile to his face. “I know you don’t need it.” she told him. “He’s just a great big mama bear when it comes to you, and he knows he can’t make up for what he did. I know that too. But that doesn’t mean you can’t forgive him.” At that, Sonny’s frown returned in full force- it was clear that he didn’t want to talk about this. He broke away from her and slumped into his chair, rubbing his eyes.

“I don’t want to forgive him.” he muttered. Nina sighed, looked across at him with a firm gaze.

"You do need to talk to him. You know that, right?" she said.

He didn't answer.

When she walked into the bodega a few days later and found the two cousins tangled together on the tiled floor, tear stained and drained-looking, what she felt more than anything was pride. Usnavi was holding Sonny close to him, the boy's head heavy against his sternum as he traced even circles into his back, and he looked shaken, exhausted, but somehow... relieved. When he spotted her, he looked up and smiled weakly, mouthing, "We're ok" when she gave him a questioning look. Sonny seemed to sense the movement, because he pulled away gently and turned to look behind him, and gave her a shaky thumbs-up once he recognised who it was. Nina approached them and knelt down, adding her own hand to Sonny's shoulder.

"You two talked?" They both nodded. Usnavi grunted and stretched.

"Yeah, since three this morning. This puffball came and woke me up." He rumpled Sonny's hair, and the kid groaned and rolled his eyes at him.

"Navi, you were sleeping at the counter, you were gonna hurt your back."

"Oh yeah, and you'd know all about that, Mister 'I'm sure I can lift three boxes of tinned fruit at once without-"

"Oh, shut up, I hardly even-"

"Son, you couldn't lift your arms for a-"

"Could too!" Sonny shoved lightly at Usnavi's chest, grunting in protest when his cousin trapped him in a hug again.

"Yes, we talked." Usnavi said after a few seconds, speaking over his shoulder. "We worked stuff out. We're... we're alright. Right, niño?" He pulled back to look Sonny in the eye as he said it- apparently seeking confirmation. He gave it, nodding.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're cool."

Nina felt a broad grin spread across her face as she looked at them- two weary, beaming faces, truly happy for what felt like the first time in an age. They were going to be alright.

Pulling Sonny up with him, Usnavi climbed to his feet and tweaked the kid's hat lightly, laughing when he frowned and swatted his hand away.

"Now, I- " he said, moving towards the door- presumably to change the sign, "- need to open up shop, and you, kiddo, need to go to bed."

"Navi, I'm fine, I'm not- I can- " Sonny protested weakly, but his words were cut off in a yawn. Before Usnavi could comment, however, Nina was holding up a hand and speaking herself.

"You _both_ need to go to bed." she corrected him. "No buts, Navi- you look like death and, contrary to popular belief, it is not actually possible for to survive solely on espresso. I'll take care of the shop while you two get some rest, alright?" Usnavi, who had opened his mouth to argue, closed it again under her knowing stare- no one could hide anything from Nina.

"Thanks, Nina." he said, sounding resigned.

"It's no problem- I'm just glad you two worked things out. Head home, get some rest, alright? I'll tell people you're busy for the morning."

Usnavi smiled gratefully as he towed a still-protesting Sonny from the shop, promising to repay her when she got the chance, and she watched with a bright smile as the pair passed out of sight. For the first time, the bodega felt close to normal again.

It only grew more so as the days passed. Now that more than half of the repairs were done, and Sonny and Usnavi were talking again, the little shop was beginning to feel more and more like home. While she was no longer required to watch Sonny while he took his shifts, Nina often went down anyway to talk and hang out with him (though she threatened to leave quickly if he suggested more slushie experiments- her taste buds still hadn't quite recovered). This was the case one dull Saturday afternoon, and she got an intriguing surprise upon entering.

Sonny was sitting behind the counter and staring dreamily out of the window, making circles with his fingers on the countertop with a small, fond smile on his face. Grinning to herself, she made her way over and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Thinking about someone?" She smirked, and the boy started and looked around at her, wide eyed, blushing furiously.

"No!" he said- squeaked, almost. "No one, why'd you think that?" His burning cheeks made the smirk on her face broaden- that wasn't at all the response she'd been expecting.

"Oh?" she said, eyebrows raised, and the boy's flush deepened. He quickly looked away from her and at the table, but he couldn't hide what she'd seen. "You  _were?"_

" _Nina-"_ he whined, but she cut him off,

"Nope, stop it, you are telling me everything about this crush." She looked at him meaningfully when he seemed about to contradict her and he scowled. "C'mon, you had a crush on _me_ for a good 8 years, I know the signs. Spill." Sonny glared at her for a few more seconds, face still bright red, before slumping down with his head in his arms.

"Okay. Sure, I have a crush." he conceded. Then he turned to frown at her again. "But that's all you're getting out of me."

"Not true, kiddo. You must know by now that you can keep nothing from me." She bent over to be level with him, giving him an exaggerated evil glare that made him snort. It was true, though, no-one could ever keep a secret from Nina- especially not Sonny.

"How long?" she asked. Sonny frowned, clamping his mouth shut, but rolled his eyes and mumbled. "Since… Christmas before last?" after she pouted at him. Nina was surprised- that was a while longer than she'd expected.

"Wow, so this is like a long-term thing, huh?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Not just a little 'think they're cute' kind of deal?"

Sonny picked at his fingernails, not looking at her.

“I mean- yeah…" he muttered. "It was probably what helped me realize I didn’t like you like that. Y’know- ‘okay so this is definitely... you know, romantic- and what I have with Nina is totally different’. They’re just…” He groaned, putting his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do. How’d you get Benny to fall in love with you?” Nina laughed at that.

“I didn’t 'do' anything- or, I wasn’t trying to, at least. It just sort of… happened.”

“Lucky.” Sonny muttered.

"Yeah, we were, I guess. But you're changing the subject, niño."

"And you're changing it back." he countered. "You're not getting this out of me, Nina, not this time." He shot her a look of finality, pushing himself off his chair and marching off to the store cupboard to pretend to stack something. When he came back in a few minutes later, she'd positioned herself in front of the counter and folded her arms, putting on her sternest expression- a pretty good impersonation of Camilla Rosario herself, whose looks were infamous throughout the barrio. As soon as he caught sight of her, Sonny stopped dead and put his hands firmly over his eyes.

“Nu-uh. You're doin' the face, Nina, that ain't fair- hey!" Sonny yelped as she leaned forward, pinching his sides and rushed around her, swatting at her hands, to throw himself back down into his chair. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he hid his face and put his arms over his head, yelling while she tickled his neck and arms, fighting back laughter.

"Nina- I- no, I- Nina- stop- I'll- !" He kicked out at her, shoving with his feet and spluttering, until she broke away with her arms up.

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping." Sonny pouted at her.

"I hate you."

"No you don't." Nina said idly, leaning on the counter and popping a skittle from the pile he'd been eating from into her mouth. He scowled.

"Do too." There were a few seconds of silence. Then-

"So?"

"So what?"

“So, who is it?" Sonny glared at her, exasperated.

“I told you- I'm not telling.”

“Oh, come on." Nina groaned, looking imploringly at him. "I won’t tell, I promise!” It was true- she wouldn't have blurted the information to anyone- but Sonny didn’t seem to trust her.

“You expect me to believe you’ll keep this from Dani? C’mon, Nina- she knows, and the _barrio_ knows- I don’t wanna be the talk on the street for this.” Nina was about to roll her eyes and point out that whoever was the subject of the younger De la Vega’s affections, while definitely interesting, wasn’t about to become the hottest news in the neighbourhood- but then she registered the anxious, almost frightened look on Sonny’s face. No- not ''almost''- he was terrified.

Why?

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to tell me who it is,” she said quickly, watching the panic leave his eyes after she’d got the words out, “- but you do have to tell me all about them. Is it someone from school? Just a neighbour? Have you actually spoken, or are you just, you know, dying from afar?”

“Nina- ”

“Nope, as your ex-babysitter and ex-crush, you are obligated to spill.” She hoisted herself up onto the counter so that she was facing him, their heights almost equal. Sonny groaned, cheeks darkening further still.

“Only you would use the word 'obligated'.” he muttered. Nina stuck her tongue out at him, and he scowled harder. Under her pleading gaze, however, he cracked. “Oh, fine. We… we’re good friends.” he began. “I’ve known them for a while, and we’ve always been pretty close, but recently stuff’s just… different. I get so nervous when I’m around them, ‘cause I’m worried I’ll slip up and accidentally confess, or something, and it’s really hard ‘cause they come in here all the time- was it like that with you and Benny?” Nina shook her head.

“Not really. Well, sort of- but it was him that was nervous all the time.” She smiled at the memories- Benny, rambling nervously when he talked to her, going far too far with his compliments and blushing hard as he hurried to correct himself, painfully obvious about his feelings. “He was always stumbling over his words when he talked to me.” she said. “It was really cute.”

“Only ‘cause you liked him back.” Sonny mumbled gloomily. “You two are so lucky.”

“Well, yeah… but that doesn’t mean you can’t get lucky too. Why don’t you just be honest? Confess?” Sonny’s eyes widened at that and he shook his head vigorously.

“Hooooo boy, no way in hell is that gonna happen.” He looked mortified at the idea.

“Well, why not?”

“S’too risky.” he muttered, dropping his gaze. Nina sighed. Teenagers always made such a big deal of these sorts of things.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” she protested. “They like you or they don’t, and you’re both honest with each other about it- and you said you were friends, right?” He nodded. “So, if they’re a good friend, they won’t hold it against you, and you can keep being friends, even if they’re not interested romantically.” Sonny just groaned and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“S’not like that. They’d think… I've just got no way of knowing if they’d be cool with it, and I don’t wanna risk it- they're, like, the closest friend I’ve got- besides you, obviously." he amended at her offended look. He sighed. "S’better just to carry on how I am.”

Something was tugging at the back of Nina’s mind- why on earth would he be so nervous about this? He’d always flirted pretty shamelessly with the girls that came into the bodega- and not too badly either, if she was honest- but he seemed oddly uneasy about this particular interest. She supposed it was different- an emotional connection with a friend rather than simple physical attraction, but- the horror in his face at the idea of anyone finding out- and the way he was talking about it-

Something clicked into place.

She couldn’t be sure- and she couldn’t exactly just ask- the kid was embarrassed enough already- but, well, what else could it be? Sexuality wasn’t something they talked about often. Or at all. She and the other girls did, of course, she’d couldn’t remember not knowing that Carla was gay, and she remembered Vanessa’s forced-casual declaration that she was bi one night when they were both fourteen as clear as anything, but she and Sonny? Not really. What about Usnavi and Sonny? She knew he must have given the kid some kind of sex talk, but knowing Usnavi , she thought with some exasperation, it had probably been rushed and completely focused on the assumption that Sonny would only be wanting to sleep with girls. Or- it wasn’t like Sonny needed to be told not to get a girl pregnant, and maybe Usnavi wouldn’t have considered the other option, so had he talked to him about this at all?

Probably not. Thinking about it for the first time, it seemed more and more likely that Sonny had been left to his own devices, and wouldn’t know where he stood with anyone. Jesus, no wonder he was so scared.

Trying to think of a way to broach the subject with him, she popped a few skittles into her mouth to give her thinking time. Sonny was looking at his feet, wriggling his toes inside his sneakers.

“You remind me of Carla,” she started, picking something she’d been thinking about earlier in the day. “She’s got a huge crush on this new worker at the salon- this lady called Ivy-Rose. She’s convinced she’s straight and married and all that and she’s being _hopeless_.”

“Yeah?” he said, his voice almost completely steady. He must have picked up on the link. She could practically feel his shoulders tensing up.

“Yeah,” she continued carefully. “She’s been whining about it to us for weeks now; Dani’s ready to lock them in the store cupboard.” That earned a shaky laugh, and Sonny twisted the hem of his tank as he seemed to search for words. After a few moments, he opened his mouth again, still not looking at her.

“Hey, Nina-”

He was cut off as the door opened and Usnavi bustled in, smiling.

“Hey, you two? Get anything productive done while I was gone or are you just stealing more of my stock?” He eyed the pile of empty sweet papers next to the till. “That’s going on your tab, young man- and don’t tell me I have to make one for you too, Nina?” She held up her hands in mock-indignation.

“Hey! Don’t look at me, future president doesn’t steal, it’s all this little rat.”

Sonny elbowed her lightly, half-laughing.

"Hey! Quit ganging up on me!”

The conversation relaxed back into playful teasing, the tension dissipating, but she caught Sonny shoot a complicated look her way when Usnavi turned his back- clearly whatever he had been going to say was still on his mind. That in itself, and that he wasn’t willing to bring it up in front of Usnavi, could have a number of implications, but she didn't press the subject even when he left. Sonny would talk about it in his own time, if he was comfortable discussing it at all. It wasn't her place to push him.

In fact, the topic wasn't brought up again until three days later. Nina was down at Daniela’s new salon, taking a break from unpacking boxes and reading a magazine, half-listening to Daniela's recount of whatever she viewed to be the latest scandal, when the bell that rang out at the front of the shop made them and Carla look up. Sonny pushed through the door, looking anxious, almost as tense as he's been when he'd come to tell her about Usnavi's decision to stay in the barrio, but there was a grin plastered onto his face all the same.

“Sonny!” Carla beamed, and shuffled over on the couch to make room for him. “I thought you weren’t coming till later!” Grinning a little oddly back at her, he sat down between her and Nina, shrugging off his bag.

“Usnavi let me off- Vanessa’s coming over this evening and he’s closed up early.” he said quickly. Dani rolled her eyes.

“Going to take hours getting himself ready, is he?”

“I put an outfit out for him, but he’ll be rearranging all the things in the apartment three times and convincing himself that she’s coming over to dump him.” Carla laughed.

“Well, don’t think you’re just here to gossip, young man-” Dani wagged a finger at him. “We’re just taking a break- three more boxes to push upstairs and unpack.” Sonny nodded, the strain coming more firmly into his smile. His mind didn’t seem to be on the conversation- he’d be cracking jokes, joining in with the gossip. He seemed to have noticed the concern in her gaze, because he swallowed a second later and stood up sharply.

"Hey- uh- Nina, can I talk to you before we start?" he asked, his voice a half-octave higher than usual. She set down her magazine and got to her feet, nodding.

"Yeah, of course. Do you want...?" She trailed off, inclining her head to ask whether it was something he wanted private. Glancing quickly at Dani and Carla, he nodded and grimaced, shifting from foot to foot as if whatever it was he had to say was physically fighting to burst out of him. Without a second thought, Nina ushered him out through the little back door and into the room that the girls rented out. Even though she wasn't looking at them, she could feel two sets of curious eyes on the back of her neck as they walked. She shut the door firmly, shooting a 'Don't you dare listen'' sort of look to the pair of them, and then lead him through the fire door they’d propped open to the small patch of concrete outside, and it was only after closing that, too, that she turned back to Sonny.

"What is it?"

He looked like he might be sick. He was twisting his hands together furiously- something he only did when his anxiety got to him really bad, and refusing to meet her gaze as he struggled for words.

"I- Nina, I have to t- It's just... I'm... I don't know how to-" Nina cut him off gently, taking his shoulders lightly and turning him to face her.

"Sonny, you're alright, you're alright, whatever it is, you can tell me, ok?" He took a slow breath, and swallowed.

"Ok... I-" She watched him struggle for words for a few seconds more, dropping her hands to give him space, and it seemed for a second like he might change his mind and leave her without saying another word. His whole body was taught as a spring.

"Sonny?"

“I’m bisexual.” The confession came in a rush, his voice shaky, his eyes fixed on the ground, but his whole body seemed to relax once he’d said it. His shoulders sagged as he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a slow, shuddering breath, and raising his eyes up to her anxiously- and she melted. He looked so small. For all the growing he'd done while she was away, this was still her best friend's baby cousin- big-eyed and nervous and waiting for her approval.

“Oh, baby.” Nina held out her arms and he positively fell into them, letting slip a half-sob as she crushed him tightly to her chest, knuckles going white with her grip. She could feel his heart hammering- a hummingbird against his ribs.

They stood like that for longer than she could have counted, Sonny showing no signs of loosening his hold on her, and Nina having no wish for him to do so. Was she the first person he'd told? It certainly seemed like it, from his fear and hesitance, and the knowledge that he trusted her with this made her heart swell almost painfully- but why her? Sure, they had always been close, but she felt... off, knowing she was the first person he had trusted. It shouldn't have been her, should it? It should have been Usnavi.

When, eventually, he pulled away- not taking his hands from her shoulders, but enough for her to catch his eye- he looked shaken, but there was a dazzling smile building fast behind his eyes. He swallowed and spoke again, quietly.

"S- So... you're cool? I mean- I know you said- but- "

"Sonny." Nina cut him off firmly. "It's more than fine- and I'll fight anyone who says differently for your honour- there is nothing wrong with you, and there never will be. You're still my little Son-shine, right?" She mussed up his hair and he blushed and grumbled, but the grin broke out across his face and it really was like sunlight- bright and blinding and beautiful. He hugged her tightly again with a watery laugh and mumbled "Thank you, thank you Nina, te quiero, te quiero, I love you" with such relief in his voice that she wanted to cry.

When he let out a heavy breath and pulled back from her, wiping his eyes, she found she couldn’t get the huge smile off her face.

“I know it must seem kinda stupid.” he mumbled. “I mean, it’s not like I _expect_ people to react badly, I’m already not cis and there’s Carla and Vanessa and- ”

“Hey! Sonny, it’s okay.” Nina put a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to apologise. It’s a big deal. It’s… a part of you- I- oh I don’t know, you could say it better than me.” Sonny laughed again, breathlessly, beamed at her.

“It’s okay.” he said. Nina squeezed his shoulder.

“That’s right.” Sonny took a couple of deep breaths, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“It’s okay.” he repeated.

After a couple of minutes, when he’d caught his breath and they were just standing side by side in the cooling afternoon, Nina elbowed him lightly in the ribs.

"So..." she said. "Does this mean we can talk about cute boys together?" He cracked, raising his hand to his mouth with a snort.

"Nina Rosario, you are taken!" He jabbed an accusatory finger at her, a goofy grin still plastered over his face. She shrugged.

"Doesn't mean I can't see, and you think someone who knows Daniela can escape gossip? In fact, I think I know a great place to start..." Raising one eyebrow, she grinned across at him, making her meaning clear. Sonny groaned.

"Nina, no."

"Come on- you've got no reason not to tell me any more..."

"Yeah right- no reason at all. I'd like to live my life without Dani telling the whole of the barrio who I've got a crush on-"

"Hey, I wouldn't tell her! Sonny, you know I wouldn't, not with something like this." She looked at him earnestly, trying to convince him she would be true to her word- knowing that telling Dani who he liked would mean outing him to her, she wouldn't have considered it for a heartbeat. At least some of her sincerity must have shown through, because Sonny sighed and leaned back against the wall and said "Fine... you can ask questions, but I don't have to answer them, alright?". Nina beamed.

"Ok... Boy or girl?"

"Boy- I thought you'd have figured that out."

"Hey- just checking! Are you out to him?"

"No. You're the only person I've told, and I... I don't know how I'd bring it up with him." He looked totally dejected, and she reached out to take his hand.

"Touchy subject, huh?"

"Yeah. Or- no. I- " He broke off, looking up at her properly with a frustrated expression. “We’ve been friends since we were kids, and he’s gay, right? I’ve known that almost since he did- but, I can’t tell him about me.” Nina frowned.

“Why not? Tell me if I’m pushing, okay?” He nodded, and she continued. “I mean, if he’s gay, why wouldn’t he accept you?”

“I know it’s- I know it’s stupid, I-”

“Hey, it’s not-” Nina started to interrupt him but Sonny kept on talking.

“- but some gay people don’t accept bi people y’know? Like it’s different, right, and I don’t know, it’s just it’s hard, I think he’s chill in theory but I just don’t know exactly how he’d react and-” His voice was starting to speed up again, his fingers returning to their spot worrying the hem of his shirt, “- and sometimes people feel different if it’s someone they know and he’d definitely think it was weird that I’m into him, he might not be comfortable being my friend, you know, and I can’t tell him I think the only reason he hasn’t figured it out is because he thinks I’m straight, otherwise it’d be obvious-” he broke of, breathing deeply through his nose, then after a few seconds, swallowed and opened his mouth again. “He's... he means a lot to me, Nina, not just romantically. I can't lose that 'cause of some silly crush."

"Doesn't sound like a silly crush." Sonny didn't seem to have an answer to that. He pulled his hands away from hers to shove them deep in his pockets. Nina leaned against the wall alongside him, trying to catch his gaze.

There weren’t many options for who he could be talking about. Someone he’d known since he was a kid? A guy he was close to- and someone she knew too, or he wouldn’t be so anxious about telling her? Thinking about it, it seemed pretty dense not to have noticed before- Pete was Sonny’s closest friend. Considering her words, she spoke again.

"Niño, if you're that close, I can't imagine him feeling much different just because of your sexuality.” Sonny tapped his feet and stared at them. Nina really didn’t know Pete too well, but if he was gay himself, he didn’t seem like the type of person who would judge anyone else for their own sexuality. But as Sonny said, it was impossible to know. Before she could say anything, however, Sonny was continuing again.

 

"And even without that, I don't have a clue about getting his attention- they don't teach you this kind of stuff. What do guys even like?" Nina felt herself chuckle, and noticed Sonny’s expression easing slightly too.

 

“Just get him flowers or something, it’s not that difficult.”

“Can’t,” Sonny muttered. “He’s allergic to _everything_.”

“So get him fake flowers.” she protested, meeting his incredulous look with an innocent one of her own. “What? It’s the thought that counts, right? And I’m sure he’ll appreciate you remembering he’s allergic.”

"Nina-"

"Nina! Sonny!" It was Carla's voice, coming from inside. Nina rolled her eyes, bringing a grin to Sonny's lips, and turned to pull open the door.

"Yes, Carla? We're out here." Carla's head popped into view and she grinned in relief as she caught sight of them.

“Dani says that if you and Sonny don’t come back and help her move the boxes then she’ll tell Vanessa about your rendezvous with Benny in the park last Saturday- and she’s not telling you how she knows so don’t ask,” she recounted blithely. Sonny sniggered and Nina slapped his arm lightly as they followed Carla back inside.

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully, with only a couple of interruptions in the form of frantic texts from Usnavi asking whether the place he’d decided to take Vanessa was too fancy, or not fancy enough, or what to get her, and as the time neared six Sonny took his leave.

“I’ve got to meet Vanessa at the station,” he told them, “Usnavi won’t let me make the trip alone.”

“Aww, you tell those love-birds to have a good time!” Carla grinned and waved him through the door. Nina raised her hand in farewell to him too, sending him as reassuring a smile as she could, which he returned.

Watching him go, she couldn’t help running over their conversation in her mind. Had she handled it right? She was the first person he’d told, after all, so a lot was riding on her- and he’d been so _nervous…_ He hadn't seemed unhappy, though. That was the thought she kept hold of as she deflected Dani's questions and went back to reading her magazine- he'd been positively glowing when she'd given him her support- and he’d laughed and joked with them through the afternoon. He knew she supported him; that was as much as she could do for the moment.

"You know José's going to propose to Julio?" Carla said after a minute as she positioned photos on a shelf. Dani latched onto the new topic quickly, and Nina felt relief wash over her at her restraint, having been braced for an interrogation now that Sonny was firmly out of earshot. While she didn't think Dani really would blab about his sexuality, if Sonny wasn't comfortable with anyone else knowing, she certainly wasn't going to bring it to light.

She smiled and turned the page of her magazine, debating whether to let them know about the precise arrangements of the marriage, which were apparently not cutting Yesenia out of the picture. In the end, she opted to keep her mouth shut. It was their news to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! as always,, comments are what keep me going ily all


	4. Vanessa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa loves sonny and knows him and i love her and she is loved and stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally did it!!!  
> hell yeeeahh i really hope u like it!!

Usnavi’s apartment was quickly becoming Vanessa’s home away from home.

Of course, it wasn’t like she hadn’t spent time there before, but now that she was dating Usnavi, she was finding herself there more and more as the weeks went by. It was a sort of escape, she had supposed at first- away from the stress of her mom’s place, away from the chatter and teasing at the salon- but really, she realised, she simply wanted to be there. With Usnavi.

She was still getting used to it. It wasn’t like she was new to a heart-eyed boy giving her attention- but this felt somehow different. Usnavi was different. He was sweet, and he kept on surprising her- catching her off-guard with things she’d never even thought about. The quiet, soft way he asked her how she was doing. The gentle movement of his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear as he went to kiss her- the silent question in his eyes as he asked permission for everything, making sure that she was comfortable. The nervousness that was gradually falling away. The warmth that she found underneath. Usnavi was gentle, and safe, and with every passing day he became more and more firmly a part of her life.

And she really liked him. He was sweet, and his hair was soft and she liked the way he laughed and the starry gaze he looked at her with- and his hands and how easily he blushed. She liked him a lot. Enough, in fact, not to be very annoyed or surprised at finding her belongings around his apartment- a book first, then a pair of shoes and a toothbrush; the familiarity was growing fast and spending time there began to feel more and more natural. Even now, after she’d officially moved to Lower Manhattan, almost all her time in the Heights was spent in _Castillo De La Vega_.

Along with time in the apartment came time with Sonny. That was probably helping, too- she’d always been friendly with him; it was hard not to be, if you spoke to the kid for more than ten seconds. His laughter, his teasing and his smiles were infectious, and she was fiercely glad that the time they’d all spent without them was now over. She became accustomed quite quickly to being at the apartment even without Usnavi there- just sitting on the couch with the younger boy or listening to his shuffling around upstairs.

What also seemed to become frequent was Sonny spending time around at her new place. He had helped her with settling in more than almost anybody else- originally to avoid Usnavi- pushing furniture across the floor and unpacking boxes (not that there were many of them). After that, he’d kept coming back, travelling back with her on the train sometimes after she’d spent the night in the Heights, since Usnavi would never have let him make the trip alone. His visits were a welcome, easy distraction; listening to his anecdotes of the comings and goings back in her old home and his complaints about school starting soon and the heat and his shifts was a taste of home that kept her grounded. It kept her stable in all the change that had been happening- she did have Usnavi, of course, but her changing relationship with him was hardly a help, as happy as she was with it, and the easy conversations with Sonny were something of a comfort.

Daniela and Carla chattered about the Bronx and the new frequent customers- gossiped about names she couldn’t put faces to- and it just felt odd. Nina was far closer to normality, but she had thrown herself into studying again and didn’t have much free time- at least, not that lined up with Vanessa’s. She still saw her as much as she could, though; they had ‘study sessions’ that ended up as sleepovers with the two women side by side on Vanessa’s single bed with open textbooks and packets of candy, mostly just talking. She missed her more than she realised.

Nina’s world was changing. Much like Vanessa herself, her life was resetting itself after the arrival of a new relationship, and her life _had_ changed. With her new school, for a start, all those months she’d been sleeping on someone else’s couch and Vanessa hadn’t even known. They still found plenty to talk about, were as close as ever- but it was still different.

Sonny, though, was a constant. Especially now that the whole ordeal between him and Usnavi had mostly blown over, when she was talking to him she could almost imagine that the last year hadn’t happened. Not that she’d disliked talking to him during the time his and Usnavi’s relationship was less than cosy, but those weeks had been hard for them all. Usnavi had been closed off and gloomy, barely sleeping- and she’d been prodding him to make amends for while, but wasn’t really surprised that it was Sonny who had the guts in the end.

Now, Sonny was back to normal- ranting to her ceiling about the injustice and corruption in the government through a mouthful of chips while she shifted through paperwork and giving her plenty to laugh at in his impressions of Usnavi; sometimes she heard the same story from both of them, and Usnavi would ask her why she was fighting down laughter when he glossed over some of the details that his cousin had no qualms about keeping in.

This afternoon, blessedly, she had very little to do, and was slumped on the cousins’ couch going punch-for-punch with Sonny on hate crimes.

“This isn’t about burning a cross on someone’s lawn, kid,” she pointed out. “People are dying.”

“And the murders will be punished fairly for committing that crime.” Sonny shot back. “A murder is a murder, simple as that; you want to start punishing people for what’s in their head when they’re doing it, too?” Vanessa leaned forward on her knees, fixed him with a hard look.

“And why not? I’ll admit you can’t police people’s every thought- it’s when they start killing people because of them that you need to take action. Destroy the root of the desire to kill and you destroy the desire- you show people that what they’re thinking is unacceptable- it’s the only effective way to solve the problem and send a definitive message to the rest of the world.” She folded her arms. Sonny frowned and bounced his knee too rapidly, never breaking eye contact.

“Telling people what they can and can’t think is the beginning of the end,” he declared. “You’re addressing this clinically when it can’t be- people have a right to their beliefs and when the government begins to try and put laws on what’s inside their heads there’s no going back; it’s an invasion of privacy at best-”

“And what is it at its worst?”

“Manipulation. Total control; the most extreme form of totalitarianism. Hypocritical, isn’t it? You condemn controlling governments but you’d be perfectly happy with it so long as they were enforcing _your_ views- it’s arrogant and-”

“Alright, alright, pipe down, mister.” Vanessa pushed at his shoulder, grinning, and he sat back with a self-satisfied look. “You’re getting too good at this.” Sonny smirked and stretched back, screwing his eyes shut.

“Mmm, tiring though,” he mumbled. “Gets you an appetite.”

“Say no more.”

They trooped through to the kitchen and grabbed some cereal from the cupboard- too early yet for a proper meal and Usnavi would be back for that later. Sonny hoisted himself up to sit cross-legged on the kitchen counter and started shovelling Lucky Charms into his mouth. Vanessa straightened his cap as she leaned next to him and he deftly moved it back to its jaunty position. She grinned at the gesture.

“You still stressing about it?” she asked after a minute. Sonny shrugged.

“Debate? Nah, I know I’ll kick ass.”

“Damn right you will.”

“Thanks for helping me practice, though. Usnavi’s useless. He just gives up and agrees after five minutes.” Vanessa snorted into her bowl.

“Sounds about right. I don’t think he’d argue with me about anything.”

“Are you kidding? He’d be saying the sky was green if you told him so.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, chewing their honestly-more-dinner-than-lunch and knocking their heels on the table legs.

Vanessa found her mind wandering back to the only recent piece of gossip she’d found interesting- Carla’s enormous and hugely obvious crush on one of the new part-time girls at the salon. Obvious, apparently, to everyone except the girl in question, as Carla lamented to her at length: complaining that all her flirting had been dismissed as simple compliments. Daniela had told her flatly that with her luck, she was wasting her time and the woman was straight as a pole, which Carla had answered with a hand across her brow and a whined “I _know!_ ”. Vanessa had laughed and remarked that Dani was just a bitter old woman who had no faith in love, and promised Carla she would wing-woman for all she was worth if the need arose.

She recounted the story to Sonny, who grinned and said Nina had already mentioned it, and that he’d keep his eyes peeled the next time he visited the salon.

“What does she look like? She hot?”

“Classy, Mr Romance. But yes- tall, lots of curly hair, you know Carla likes a curvy one-” Sonny nodded sagely, “- and cute round glasses. Lots of red lipstick. Loud laugh. I mean, I know I’m with Usnavi, but if I wasn’t…” She waggled her eyebrows and Sonny pretended to look scandalised, then laughed. The smile slid off his face after a second, though, and he frowned slightly, looking thoughtful. Vanessa narrowed her eyes.

“What?” Sonny licked his lips nervously, apparently considering something.

“I- Van, you’re bisexual, right?”

“Well, yeah.”

Vanessa had never so much ‘come out’ to anybody besides announcing that she was dating or hooking up with a woman and waiting for people to get used to it- the one exception had been Nina, who she’d told almost as soon as she was sure the label fitted her. She couldn’t remember a time Sonny hadn’t known, so this could hardly be a genuine question. There was something he wanted to say, and she didn’t exactly have to rack her brains to guess at what it was. She put down her bowl and turned slightly to see him better.

“Why do you ask?” The kid took a steadying breath in, and then-

“I am too,” Sonny said quickly, forced-casual, eyes on his knees. A nervous grin appeared on his face once he’d said it and a shaky laugh escaped his lips. Vanessa, reminded forcefully of herself 5 years past, smiled back at him and raised a hand.

“Up top,” she grinned, “Join the club, kid.” Sonny snorted as he high-fived her and she watched some of the tension drop out of his shoulders. It wasn’t as if the confession was a total surprise to her, and with her being bi herself he surely couldn’t have expected a negative reaction, but it was still clearly quite a big deal for him. What would’ve helped _her_ most, she thought, was treating it like it wasn’t a big deal. Shouldn’t be too hard- because, to her at least, it was far from that.

“Who knows?” she asked, returning to her cereal.

“Just you and Nina.” Sonny fiddled with his cap as he said it, still looking nervous- running off adrenaline, probably. His expression was suddenly panicked as he looked at her. “Could you- I mean, I don’t-”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Vanessa assured him quickly. He breathed out in a _whoosh._

“Thanks.” A few seconds passed, then-

“So… Usnavi doesn’t know?” she asked, cocking her head. Sonny bit his lip.

“No.” he said. “I don’t know, we’ve never talked about this type of stuff.”

“I mean, if it helps, he knows about me, and he’s cool.” Sonny’s eyebrows raised slightly.

“Yeah?”

“Totally. Well-” she considered for a second, “He’s fine. He can be dumb about it sometimes- like, there’s twice as many people for me to decide are better than him and leave him for, but you know Usnavi can get anxious about anything. He doesn’t have a problem with it at all, though, I promise, and he’s never been weird about it like a lot of guys are. Y’know, all that threesome bullshit.” Sonny fell silent for a second, apparently thinking. Vanessa finished with her bowl and went to put it in the sink, and heard him speak again behind her.

“Do you know if anyone’s not cool? Like, out of… everyone?” She didn’t answer for a moment, turning and eyeing his nervous face. Then she shook her head.

“No, not really. I mean, you told Nina.” Sonny nodded. “And Benny’s given girls at bars my number, that ass. Carla’s fine, Dani’s fine- The only person I’d maybe watch is Mr Rosario?” Quickly, Sonny’s posture grew a little taught; she knew that instinct too well, and hastily continued- “I don’t think he’d say anything? Or do anything? But just because he’s a different generation, he can be… uncomfortable, a bit. You know? Just don’t go like, shooting rainbow confetti in his face or anything. Camilla’s fine, though.” He nodded again, looking a little more reassured, but still like there was something on his mind. He opened his mouth, twisting his hands together.

“Do you know about… about Pete?” he asked “I mean, I know he’s gay, but I’ve never heard him say anything much about bisexuality, I don’t think? So-”

“Oh, Pete’s totally chill.” Vanessa interrupted, smiling. “I’d have thought you knew that- you two are tight, aren’t you?” Sonny looked a little embarrassed.

“We’ve never really talked about it.”

“Well, you’re totally fine with him. He’s an equal amount of a nuisance whether I’m with a guy or a girl- but a surprisingly good wingman, you should ask him for help sometime.” Sonny’s expression went from relieved to slightly nauseous at that, but before Vanessa could say anything about it, there was a knock at the door.

Sonny went to answer it, Vanessa following, frowning slightly to herself as her mind spun out the very few possible reasons for the kid’s reaction- and, now she thought about it, the nervous way he’d asked about Pete’s attitude. It wasn’t like she was a total idiot- she’d seen them together and it wasn’t the first time that the possibility of their connection growing into a romantic one had occurred to her- but with the confirmation that Sonny was into guys? Her mind flicked back to the image of the pair of them locked together on the day Sonny had gone missing- and Pete was Sonny’s best friend. If there was any other reason for him to turn green at the prospect of the guy helping him get a date, she sure couldn’t think of it.

Sonny pulled open the door, and Vanessa felt a smile creep onto her face when she saw who was standing behind it. Graffiti Pete himself, busted backpack slung over his shoulder and lopsided, loose grin on his face, smiled broader as his eyes found Sonny, and then flicked his gaze up to Vanessa and back again with a note of surprise.

“Hey, Sonny, Hey, Van.”

“Hey.”

“Hey!” Sonny greeted him, stepping aside to let him him. Vanessa gave him a more thorough once-over when he was through the door; he was still littered with bruises he’d gained in the blackout, though most of his cuts had nearly healed, and he had a dark smudge of paint across his jaw. Looking down to his right hand, she found the colours matched up like a puzzle.  He was standing a little awkwardly in the hallway, looking anywhere but at Vanessa as if unsure how to act. Bringing up a hand to run over his scalp, he shifted his tattered rucksack off his shoulder and offered it to Sonny.

“You- uh- left your jacket at my place the other day. Thought I’d drop it round. And- uh- say hi? So, hi.” Sonny chuckled a little, a huge smile on his face.

“Hi.”

Vanessa felt smugness pulling at the corners of her mouth. If she hadn’t suspected before, the look on Sonny’s face was enough confirmation for anyone.

“So, uh-” Pete began, glancing at her for a moment again while Sonny pulled his own hoodie out of the backpack. “How’s it going with you two?”

“Pretty good!” Sonny grinned. “Van’s been helping me practise for debate on Thursday.” Vanessa reached out and rumpled his hair.

“Yeah, this little firecracker needs all the help he can get from the professionals,” she said in a confidential tone to Pete.

“Hey! You were the one who had to use flashcards!” Sonny pointed out indignantly.

“Whatever you say, kid.” Vanessa laughed as he swatted at her hands and grumbled. Pete looked like he was starting to relax, grinning at Sonny’s put-out expression.

“You got room for one more? I can be mediator. Also my AC’s cut out and the weather still seems to think it’s fucking July.” Laughing, Sonny handed back his rucksack, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

“Sure! Imma just grab some coffee- meet me on the couch.”

“Um- the fuck you’re not.” Pete stepped forward quickly with a stern finger pointed at him. “You aren’t allowed coffee, you _know_ all it does is make you anxious.” Vanessa watched the fake-annoyance on Sonny’s face with amusement.

“Aw, c’mon _mom,_ just a-”

“Nope, nuh uh- I’m the one that’s gonna be calming you down when you have a panic attack in five minutes.” Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Fine, yeah, yeah, I was just testing you.”

“Oh really?” Pete raised his eyebrows and Sonny wrinkled his nose at him. “Grab me some water?” he asked, as Sonny started down the hall again. “Sweated out about a liter on the way here.”

“Ooh, sexy.”

Sonny grinned as he disappeared into the kitchen and Pete turned and caught sight of Vanessa’s face- which she knew must be curled in an amused, knowing smirk.

“Shut up.” he muttered. She smiled wider as she saw that he was actually blushing slightly.

“I didn’t say anything! It’s cute, you’re looking after him-”

“Shut _up._ ” Pete grumbled, and turned and headed into the living room, Vanessa following with a laugh.

The rest of the evening passed lazily. Pete turned out to be pretty good both at mediating and at catching cheetos in his mouth when they were chucked across the room at him. Sonny won a couple more debates- and lost one, to Pete’s relentless teasing. He grumbled about not having an impartial judge and swatted at his friend while he sniggered and Vanessa paraded around the living room with an empty bowl on her head as a crown.

Then, at about 7:30, the sound of the front door opening made them all look up. Usnavi’s voice came through from the hall, over the sound of him hanging his bag in the hall and toeing off his shoes.

“Who’m I feeding tonight, then? How many still here?”

“Just nearest and dearest, primo!” Sonny shouted, “Benny never made it round!”

“Delayed at the Rosarios’ again?”

“Yeah, Camilla made batatas!”

Vanessa swung her legs off the sofa and went out towards the hall, smiling as she met Usnavi halfway. He looked tired, as usual, but he was smiling, and he smiled more broadly as his eyes fell on her.

“How was the day?” He shrugged and kissed her cheek, then her lips.

“Same old, same old. Julio tried to haggle with me on soda prices again.”

“Tell him he can speak directly to the manager!” Sonny called, grinning from the living room.

“Yeah, yeah- You two had fun today? How’d practice go-” Usnavi glanced through the door and his expression stiffened slightly as his eyes fell on Pete, still slouched on the sofa. He raised an eyebrow, picked up a cup from the coffee table.

“Nearest and dearest, huh?” he asked. Sonny looked slightly guilty. Walking a little towards the couch, Usnavi shook his head. “You stealing directly from the source now?”

“Just- Dropped by.” Pete shifted uncomfortably. There was silence for a couple of seconds, Pete looking tense as he held Usnavi’s gaze- before Sonny stepped in from his position on the other end of the couch.

“He’s just hijacking our AC, man, relax, it’s like 80 out there.”

Usnavi looked like he was about to say something for a second, but then closed his mouth and dropped his gaze, sounding resigned.

“Well, dinner will be… half an hour.” he muttered. “Sonny, come help?”

“Sure thing.” Sonny got to his feet and, after a second, Pete followed.

“I’d better be heading off,” he said in response to Vanessa’s questioning look. “Got an… appointment. Commission. Won’t make off with your food too, huh?” He attempted a grin in Usnavi’s direction. Sonny snorted softly, and raised an arm as if to put a hand on Pete’s elbow, but then changed his mind and dropped it awkwardly to his side.

“You could stay for dinner? I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever been on time to a commission before.” Pete grinned but shook his head.

“I- Nah, testy employer. And- ” he inclined his head towards Usnavi- “ I know when I’ve outstayed my welcome.”

Vanessa watched Usnavi’s mouth close tightly as guilt crept into his face, and smiled as Pete nodded to her as he headed out the door. He raised a hand in goodbye.

“See you tomorrow, Sonsh- Sonny- Have a good evening you guys,” he called, and they heard the front door close just a few seconds later. While Sonny grabbed his hoodie and walked to the kitchen, evidently to start on dinner like Usnavi had asked, Usnavi stayed still, frowning at the door. Vanessa walked over and poked him lightly in the shoulder; he looked up abruptly, then deflated slightly and sighed.

“Was I…?” He made a vaguely distressed gesture. She patted his arm.

“You’re kinda mean to that kid.” she said evenly, watching him groan in frustration.

“I’m not trying to be!” he protested, “I just… I don’t even know him- I know I _should,_ but-” Dropping his hands, he shook his head. “He rubs me the wrong way.”

“Maybe the fact that he’s not very friendly with you is linked to the fact that you threaten to arrest him every time he steps in your store.” Vanessa pointed out demurely, and Usnavi’s face grew even more strained. He opened his mouth to reply to her, but before the words were out, he was cut off by a yell from the kitchen.

“Cuz, am I your dependent or your scullery maid? If you don’t want me to burn this shit, you better get in here and help!”

Laughing at her boyfriend’s near-scandalised yelp of “Language!”, Vanessa patted his ass lightly, snorting still harder when his cheeks turned red, and slipped past him to the hall.

Usnavi didn’t raise the subject of Pete again that night, and neither did Sonny- though he did spend almost an hour after dinner grinning at his phone and shielding the screen from his cousin. Leaving later that night, Vanessa contemplated texting Pete and grilling him some more about his actions around Sonny- especially the nickname she’d heard almost slip out- but… Getting up in someone’s business that much  wasn’t really her style. And the upcoming night spent completely alone was more than inviting, especially after a day of talking and confessions and generally being around people. And after all, bringing what she suspected up- possibly bringing it to light- maybe wasn’t a good idea when Sonny wasn’t fully out of the closet. Yeah. She’d keep her mouth shut- who knew, maybe they’d work it out on their own. Smiling wryly, not even convincing herself that this was going to end in anything other than a veritable lifetime of mutual pining, she shoved the thoughts aside. Whatever happened, it could wait.

\---

That week she found herself at Nina’s, sitting in her familiar position on the bed with Nina lying against her, having finally given up on any more study for that evening. She was toying with Nina’s hair between her fingers, listening to her whine about her roommate back at Stanford.

“She would eat microwave noodles and just leave the pots places- like, a stack of them in the lounge on the coffee table- and after I complained I swear she started hiding them! I opened the bathroom cabinet and there were, like, ten of them in there, they smelled _awful!_ ” She threw her arms up in the air, making her head jolt in Vanessa’s lap. “God, and she used to bring guys home all the time- like, every single time I was trying to study-”

“So, all the time?” Vanessa teased. Pouting, Nina wrinkled her nose at her.

“Very original.” she scoffed. She sighed, letting her head flop back again. “Ugh, but you’re _so_ lucky to be living on your own now.”

“Oh, am I?” Vanessa scoffed. “Tell you what, you can come stay the night, and when my asshole next door neighbour starts drilling at 4am again, _you_ can go round and tell her to stop.” Grumbling, Nina sat up, shifting so that she was sitting next to Vanessa, the latter’s hand slipping out of her hair. She looked over at her, suddenly seeming concerned. Vanessa knew that look- she was overthinking something.

“You are happy, though? Out there by yourself?” she asked, a little anxiously. Vanessa shrugged.

“Yeah? I mean, it smells, and the heating doesn’t always work, but it’s what I wanted- my own place, my freedom and all that.” She wasn’t lying; the place might not be perfect, but it was her own, and the freedom of that, the freedom she’d longed for for so long, outweighed a lot of the difficulties that it had.

“Really, Van.” Nina was looking at her pointedly, knowingly. “I know you. If you weren’t happy, there’s no way you’d say- not after you wanted it for so long. So I just- It’s okay, alright? If it’s not everything you hoped.” Vanessa felt a smile pulling on her lips at her worry- it was just… so Nina. Reaching out, she set a hand on top of her friend’s.

“Really. I promise.” She couldn’t deny that Nina was right to worry. That girl knew her too well. Vanessa tried to look as sincere as she could. “I like it. Shitty plumbing and all.” Pursing her lips, but apparently prepared to drop the subject, Nina swung her legs off the bed and stood up to pull the curtains back. The evenings were finally starting to get darker- even if the heat seemed to be set on giving them a sunburned halloween, and the orange glare of the streetlights spilled through onto the carpet, illuminating Nina’s side and hands, twisted together in front of her.

“I’m sorry for getting all worked up.” she mumbled. Vanessa rolled her eyes affectionately.

“If you hadn’t, I’d have been worried about you.” she joked, and was pleased to see a smile work its way back onto her friend’s face. “But that’s probably enough emotions for me tonight- let’s talk about something dumb.” Nina grinned and hummed in agreement, stretched up and cracked her back.

“You got any gossip? From anywhere other than Dani- I was with her for hours yesterday so I know _everything._ ” she rolled her eyes exaggeratedly- though Vanessa knew she secretly loved listening to Dani’s stories.

“Well…” she said slowly, considering. She’d been meaning to bring up Sonny and Pete since her evening with them- Nina already knew about Sonny’s sexuality, so she wouldn’t be outing him- and, as much as she maintained that she would never become a stereotype who lived off gossip, she had been almost desperate to tell _someone_ about it.

“Well-” she started, “Sonny came out to me. He said you already knew.” Nina’s eyebrows raised in surprise, then she smiled.

“Yeah, oh, great!” she said, “Good for him! When?”

“A few days ago, when I was round helping him with debate practise. Did you know a while ago or…?” Nina shook her head as she sat down next to her on the mattress.

“No, only a couple of weeks. And I was the first person he told, too.” Her expression fell a little. “I mean, I’m glad that he did but I feel like he should’ve…” She trailed off.

“Usnavi?” Nina winced, nodded.

“Well, yeah. They’re on good terms again, aren’t they?” She looked anxious again, and Vanessa hurried to reassure her. From what she’d seen, there wasn’t really any lingering tension or anger between the cousins. The reason he hadn’t told Usnavi was far more likely to be… Usnavi related.

“I think so, I think he’s just… It’s Usnavi,” she grimaced, shrugging. A small laugh escaped Nina’s mouth.

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t expect they’ve really talked about it.”

“Can you imagine either of them bringing it up?” Vanessa looked at her, eyebrow raised. Nina shook her head again, and Vanessa sighed. “I’ll talk to Usnavi about it. I won’t tell him-” she clarified quickly, “But… he needs to talk to that kid about it sometime. Can’t just assume everyone’s straight until proven queer.” Nina laughed shortly, little lines appearing at the corners of her eyes.

“Yeah. I love him, but sometimes…” she shrugged. A few moments passed, as Nina’s hands found their way to the bottom of Vanessa’s shirt, running almost unconsciously over the hem. She liked to have something to do with her hands. Vanessa rested her chin lightly on her shoulder, shifting on the bed.

“Now… in light of that- on the _gossip_ front…” Vanessa began. She raised her eyebrows meaningfully. If Nina knew, perhaps she had noticed as well? She was proved right when a small smile curled Nina’s lips.

“... Pete?” she ventured, and grinned more broadly at Vanessa’s nod.

“You noticed too, huh?” Nina shrugged with a smug expression.

“Actually, Sonny told me.” Vanessa’s eyebrows shot up- that was news, definitely- she’d only been speculating. Seeing her expression, Nina rolled her eyes and went on.

“Well, he- I got it out of him that he likes someone. A guy. He said it’s a close friend. Someone he’s known since he was a kid… And he wouldn’t tell me who it was, which means-”

“That you know him.” Vanessa finished, and Nina grinned and nodded. Vanessa could feel herself almost laughing- reminded of so many other gossiping evenings with her friend- though the subject had rarely been someone so close to them both. She shook her head.

“God, Usnavi won’t like it.”

Nina snorted. Then she frowned slightly, looking up at Vanessa.

“Wait- if he didn’t talk about it, then how did you know?”

“Oh, come on, chica. Have you seen them together? They’re almost as bad as you and Benny were.” Nina went slightly pink and pushed at her arm; she and Benny might be dating, but mention of her crush on him before they got together still made her blush and Vanessa knew it. She shoved at her arm lightly, turning her head away but smiling broadly despite herself.

“Shut up.”

 

 

Vanessa had always been able to make Nina smile. No matter how stressed or miserable she was, sitting with Vanessa in her room, talking and smiling and just being with her, always felt like sitting inside a bubble. Nothing was as terrifying as it had seemed. With her, she could breathe.

Nina loved Benny, she really did, but Vanessa was different. She always had been. Ever since they were little kids, Vanessa’s fierceness and her scowls and her quiet joy had made her pretty indisputably Nina’s favourite person. Now, speculating some more-

“I doubt he’d ever really ask him out, though.”

“Don’t say that! I’d bet he’s got some romance in him somewhere,”

“Oh, he has, he’s just a wimp.”

-even though they were talking about other people, there was the familiar feeling that this was about them.

Not for the first time, Nina wished she could fit Vanessa in her suitcase.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! next chapter will probably be up tomorrow- it's complete, i'm just not sure exactly how to space out updates. please please tell me what you thought of it- i love comments more than anything lmao  
> see you in the next one ! and a happy new year!!


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